Sarah wants to share with us some pictures of “the best sight in Australia”.
I’m really looking forward to this.
I bet it’s Uluru. Or, Sydney Harbour Bridge, or the Great Ocean Road (Victoria); perhaps Fraser Island in Queensland or the Daintree Rainforest, also in Queensland; maybe Kakadu National Park, Darwin; Bondi Beach or Cradle Mountain, Tasmania.
I have made a muted return to the centre of horsiness.
The stabbing of my heart as day followed day without Pauline and her gaggle of reprobate tarts was too much to bear.
I tentatively ventured back and acted as though my recent debacle had never happened.
Apart from a few glances, which may have been imagined, it was soon business as normal. Several tarts whacked my arse with their crops and pretended it wasn’t them; most if not all, were sniggering and pointing at areas below my waist and a number of lewd comments were made about me and my penis. The ultimate proof all was forgotten regarding my faux paus was the fact, when I emerged from the toilet, they had all sneaked in to listen, look and perhaps learn. When I left the aforementioned, they were all in hysterics.
Pauline, the most perfect girl in the entire world, came up to me and said; “Do you want me to do something about the girls?”
I was so pleased with all this I replied; “No. Girls will be girls”.
We at Sywwow Evil Enterprises (SEE) pride ourselves at being in at the start of any world-changing opportunities. The Pandemic we’re currently profiting from being a prime example; we were aware of it from the very start – oh yes, we were.
The next big thing coming from China is huge. It’s going to be blamed on those patsies the North Koreans so it’s fool proof. It makes the Turkish thing look small – but still worth investing in.
In order to grab some of this action we need to raise a considerable buy-in stake so we’re going down the oft used path of grossly inflated share valuation.
We need to con those suckers at Wall Street. They’re like children and you can tell them any rubbish. However, in order to satisfy anyone who comes sniffing ‘round this plot we must make a statement that is 100% accurate and true. Ergo, here it is:
Looking particularly pleased with themselves, two tarts are delighted with the results of their test.
Sarah, the blonde Tart, said; “The test was quite easy really and I didn’t fuck it up except for twice but that’s because my tits were itching because of that most excellent Twat Cooling Spray I’m paid to endorse”.
Julz, the other Tart, said; “I was impressed by the impartiality of it all and marvelled at the enormous resources which have gone into it to provide a reliable result in seconds. Furthermore, I’d say the genius behind it should get the Nobel Prize for this work although I suppose he must already have one. Or possibly two”.
Sarah then butted in; “When endorsing the most excellent product, Sywwow’s Twat Cooling Spray, I’m required to mention it is not suitable for twat cooling – a fact we both know from experience”.
“Yes”, interjected Julz, completely unnecessarily, “It stopped me Fucking for Fun for seven days. I had to do blow jobs instead and got a jaw ache”.
“Terrible”, added Sarah who is supposed to be flogging this stuff not agreeing with its perceived failings.
“It was you who squirted it on my Twat”.
“I did it for a laugh”.
“I didn’t laugh”
None of this seems to be about the Test to deduce whether you need spanking or not.
Aphrodite’s attempt at showing the correct positioning of the female arse for caning (by ME) was completely ruined by virtue of the fact she was using a product from the evil empire of Apple.
Her tiny, but sweet, brain attempted to correct this gaff by using another phone.
Predictably, it was yet more unsuitable as it was a Huawei which, as anyone who knows what’s what in IT (that means no-one) has been aware of for over a decade; all Chinese equipment has back doors which they use to spy on you. Yes, especially cctv equipment – they thought I didn’t know that but I do – we all do, down at Chippenham.
Meanwhile, in Hong Kong, I note my pals are still in that ‘hotel’. I think they’d rather be at home. Hold on, was that an email from Chippenham? I believe it was
Back to Aphrodite and her balls up of a simple task that even Amazone could have accomplished. Probably. She has done yet another photo using yet another phone:
Since introducing my fraudulent currency I’ve become a Billionaire.
This epic scam is making waves all over the financial world as they struggle to come to terms with the fact people can just print out cash for themselves to spend, a privilege once reserved for bankers & governments.
Doing this sort of thing soon attracts the attention of vile evil criminals such as bankers but they don’t scare me because they’re fags – every single one of them. So much so, as they realise their days are numbered, they’re re-training to pollute other fields of employ – they are, after all, merely wage slaves. Their lack of intelligence makes them think changing their name tag will protect them – it won’t.
You can download & print out my free money and waste it on crap like rich people do.
I had clamped Dame Beatrice’s enormous udders in my Black & Decker Workmate and was busy using my adapted vacuum cleaner to suck her nipples.
The vac nozzle was self-attached to her right nipple and was causing her entire right breast distress.
Everything was going well. I’m not mad so I came up with a reason for this painful and humiliating torture: she had to confess something that I knew but she had to tell me.
There was nothing for her to confess, it was a ruse.
I have adapted a battery-operated hammer drill to act as a high-powered dildo (large amounts of WD40 lubrication is essential). As I switched it on and began to insert it into her perfect ass hole she said (loudly); “STOP! I’ll confess”.
Let me tell you, what I heard shocked me to the core.
Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s disobedience, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling guilty about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I got to do all three.
All of that was planned: by the three sluts.
They had constructed this elaborate sham in order to all get what was intended for Aileen only.
Orson Welles, John Ford, Steven Spielberg; movie producers & directors.
Once in a generation comes a genius who transforms the cinematic world, all whom follow are merely imitators.
Who could be next in this esteemed line of Maestros? Who will be the person to change the world forever? Whose name will be etched in to the history of human intellect? Whose name will be mentioned alongside Chapin, Lean & Scorsese? Whom will it be with so many awards he can’t get in the downstairs toilet so has to use the other one or one of those upstairs (but not that one at the end where the big spiders live)? Who will say to Francis Ford Coppola; “Frankie, baby” – because he’s revered by all other film legends who want to be friends with him?
Listen up suckers, I’m going to stiff it to the man and bring down his bourgeoise capitalist empire.
I’m going to destroy all banks, financial institutions and governments by wrecking their international currency scam. I’ve brought out a new currency. Oh yeah, its Crypto as well.
The new Sywwow Dollar is valid everywhere – especially for criminal & seedy transactions.
Those twats at the EU, Wall Street and Birmingham International Airport will go mad when they realise.
Because I’m an anarchist, maverick and slightly deranged I’m going to cause even more chaos by showing you how to forge this currency (Oh yeah, its Crypto as well). Simply download the download, print it out, cut it out, and then go on a spending spree knowing it will cost you nothing.
Listen up Tarts, I told you lot not to use my Twat Cooling Spray for Cooling your Twats. Its function is purely for gluing tits together and attaching skirting boards to walls without need of screws.
A user of my Twat Cooling Spray used it to Cool her Twat and, essentially, sealed it shut such is its adhesive excellence which is why it’s now for breast bonding.
The twattish twat whinged on for ages in an email complaining her twat was hotter than ever because it was closed off. She was also dripping on about how it was affecting her ability to work and have ‘fun’.
On the positive side, she informs me the coat hook which keeps falling off the door in the bathroom has now been fixed so permanently “you can swing off it”.
I won’t name this silly slut but take heed of her words; “I won’t used it on my twat anymore. That’s for sure. Instead, I’m going to get guys to use it on my tits when I’m fucking for fun”.
Reassuringly, she has sent some photos showing, after a mere seven days, countless baths and some WD40, her twat is back in full working order and open for business (and fun):
I always thought I was a genius and now I have proof.
Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s naughtiness, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling remorseful about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I get to do all three. I am a genius with no match.
Certain remarks, articles, statements, magazines, books, videos, press interviews, TV appearances and a website called sywwow.com attribute Lord Sywwow with all manner of derogatory & demeaning statements about Tarts – particularly blonde ones.
Thankfully he can explain all this away with three words: “I was hacked”
So, that’s clear: anything ‘bad’ about Sywwow wasn’t him whilst anything ‘good’ (even if untrue) is him.
Notes to editors: That picture of him and Meghan Markle must not be used: all rights to this image have been rescinded
The forthcoming magazine “Tarts Tormenting Tarts” from Sywwow Publishing LLP will, naturally, feature Tarts Tormenting Tarts.
At a meeting held on Zoom where I dressed as a gorilla and no fucker noticed, I suggested using Sarah as a lead model because she’s well fuckable and, being based in Australia, can’t possibly get anywhere near me to dish out the retribution which I so richly deserve but would cry if subjected to.
Everyone in the meeting was against this, preferring to use someone much closer to me, very very close to me, who would be better placed to dish out the retribution which I so richly deserve but would cry if subjected to.
I overruled them because I’m in charge. Plus, I don’t take any notice of anyone because I’m always right.
Ergo, the shoot was organised and Sarah brought with her a Tart friend of hers to torment.
My robot first brought my attention to something being wrong at Imagefap. In order to avoid problems on this site I simply killed the limited existing content & links (all of which are available facilities from Ifap – not me sucking in content, a single gallery embed for instance)
Ifap suffer from content raiding where robots harvest vast amounts of images automatically. This site detects such attempts and deals with them.
Ifap decided they would deal with this problem and introduced some form of limiter.