How to get killed #73

I shall now warn you of a danger we can all, easily, find ourselves confronted with.

If you get a child’s scooter do not attach your dog’s lead to it and encourage him to run like fuck down country lanes.

Of course, the high speed is exhilarating and its great fun. However, if your dog is like mine, he will, without warning, veer off in a completely different direction. The laws of physics dictate that you will continue in the original direction of travel but without the scooter.

You will find yourself somersaulting down the tarmac acquiring numerous lacerations and bruises along the way.

Trying to stop the forward momentum, you will also injure your arm. An arm that’s barely recovered from when you fell out of an uncooperative tree [Oh yeah; don’t climb trees either].

A video exists of the entire drama. I won’t load it because it makes me look like an idiot. Which, clearly I’m not.

I do stuff on your behalf, find out what happens and then tell you.

This way you don’t have to receive roadside treatment and hold up traffic.

Inside an ambulance. There’s loads of tempting buttons begging to be pressed. DO NOT PRESS ANY OF THESE BUTTONS.


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    Another thing, It’s not their job to tell me what a stupid cunt I am – I know this already.
    On TV, they all appear to be nice.
    And, why no morphine? I was in pain.
    And, No I shouldn’t get my head checked as a precaution – what’s that all about?
    I could go on

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