Peace negotiations begin

Marie’s mother Moira’s magnificent ass. The authenticity of this photo is questioned by Marie’s maniacal father, Angry Angus. It looks precisely like the ass I spanked and attended to in a hotel room in Warwick but I am willing to concede may not be the ass in question. Probably

I have been thinking, which is always a great idea. Perhaps I’ve misjudged Angus (father of Marie).

What I’ve decided to do is send him an email to clear the air and start anew. Marie’s not here to check it but, I’m positive, she will think it’s great.

And, to further ingratiate myself, I’ll get Google to translate it into Gaelic.

Dear Angus,
I’m sorry to hear of your troubles with the law. They’ll probably jail you because you punched that copper. Don’t worry, I’ll come and visit you – I’ll bring some haggis.

Incidentally, I’m entitled to wear tartan: you can check with my Clan Chief who, by the way, doesn’t take kindly to being questioned. He was in one of the Sauchiehall Street razor gangs – you should get on well together.

I think they’re being harsh with you. They don’t understand that, years ago, half the men in Scotland were like you and my Clan Chief. Nowadays they’re all a bunch of lily-livered twats. They should appreciate you’re some sort of relic like a dinosaur or leprosy.

Perhaps you should get in touch with your feminine side like the rest of the puffs up there. Why not take up knitting or hang around with some gay guys. Just an idea.

I understand what you say about your lovely daughter Marie. The stories on my site may not actually be about her, I’m involved with so many sluts I may have confused her with one of them. Probably.

The photo of your wife’s gorgeous ass which she sent me may not be her ass like you contend. In real life her ass is far better looking.

The doctor says I haven’t got concussion – it was a hangover. He said I was lucky the punch was feeble and thought some tart had done it. I’m sure this will make you feel better regarding the unprovoked assault. (of which there was, in fact, two).

All my love (but not in that way)
Sywwow

Perfect. And, now, in Gaelic (I can do anything):

Asal eireachdail màthair Marie, Moira. Tha fìrinneachd an dealbh seo air a cheasnachadh le athair maniacal Marie, Angry Angus. Tha e a ’coimhead dìreach mar an asal a chuairtich mi agus a fhritheil mi ann an seòmar taigh-òsta ann an Warwick ach tha mi airson aideachadh gur dòcha nach e seo an asal a tha fo cheist. Is dòcha

Aonghais ghràdhaich,
Tha mi duilich a bhith a ’cluinntinn mu na duilgheadasan agad leis an lagh. Is dòcha gun cuir iad dhan phrìosan thu oir bhuail thu an copar sin. Na gabh dragh, thig mi a chèilidh ort – bheir mi beagan taigeis dhut.

A rèir coltais, tha còir agam breacan a chaitheamh: faodaidh tu bruidhinn ri mo Cheannard Clan nach eil, leis an t-slighe, a ’gabhail gu coibhneil gun tèid dùbhlan a thoirt dhut. Bha e ann am fear de na buidhnean ràsair Sràid Sauchiehall – bu chòir dhut faighinn air adhart gu math còmhla.

Tha mi a ’smaoineachadh gu bheil iad cruaidh leat. Cha bhith iad a ’tuigsinn, o chionn bhliadhnaichean, gu robh leth de na fir ann an Alba coltach riut fhèin agus ri mo Cheannard Clan. An-diugh tha iad uile nan cnap de twats beò le lili. Bu chòir dhaibh a bhith a ’tuigsinn gu bheil thu de sheòrsa air choreigin mar dineosaur no luibhre.

Is dòcha gum bu chòir dhut fios a chuir chun taobh boireann agad mar a ’chòrr de na puffs shuas an sin. Carson nach toir thu ort fighe no crochadh timcheall le cuid de ghillean gèidh. Dìreach beachd.

Tha mi a ’tuigsinn na tha thu ag ràdh mu do nighean bhòidheach Marie. Is dòcha nach eil na sgeulachdan air an làrach agam mu deidhinn, tha mi an sàs le uiread de sluts is dòcha gun do chuir mi dragh oirre le aon dhiubh. Is dòcha.

Is dòcha nach e an dealbh de asal bòidheach do bhean a chuir i thugam a h-asal mar a tha thu a ’connsachadh. Ann am fìor bheatha tha a h-asal fada nas fheàrr a ’coimhead.

Tha an dotair ag ràdh nach d ’fhuair mi co-dhùnadh – bha e na cheann-cinnidh. Thuirt e gu robh mi fortanach gu robh am punch math agus bha e den bheachd gu robh tart air a dhèanamh. Tha mi cinnteach gun dèan seo thu a ’faireachdainn nas fheàrr a thaobh an ionnsaigh neo-ullaichte.

Mo ghaol uile (ach chan ann san dòigh sin)
Sywwow

Perfect.

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