In my court report on the trial of Angry Angus from Aberdeen (father to tits of the century, Marie) I neglected to say what happened to him. I shall correct this oversight:
It’s never a good idea to hit a copper (especially in front of witnesses) or, for that matter, hotel staff who are just doing their job.
The judge took a dim view of all this.
Character witnesses were trotted out in an attempt to make Angus look normal – this tactic failed.
The judge lectured Angus for quite some time about being an angry idiot, He then fined him £2,500 and ordered him to pay £2,000 to each of his victims and £2,000 in costs.
It gets better: He has to go on an Anger Management Course like some sort of nut-job. What a humiliation, everyone will think he’s a crazy loon.
It gets even better: He has to attend the first session immediately in Aberdeen so has, effectively, been deported (He’s lucky, he lives in Aberdeen, I had to travel all the way to Oxford for my stupid Anger Management Course)
And, there’s more: Marie has had to escort her father back to the land of Haggis leaving me to care for her magnificent marvellous mother, Moira. She’s looking at me now with those lovely eyes. I told her I’m sending an email to Angus commiserating with him for the harsh treatment meted out to him by the English judicial system: I’m not – I’m writing this.