The Sunday Times Magazine Supplement

The secret is out – or in

My recent visit to a country called France did not go as I had planned.

My in-depth interview with, pop legend, LydiE can’t really be called an interview at all.

Consequently, I had to return my advance to the NME who were very angry about the article I eventually sent them. Equally, The Hollywood Reporter were most dismissive and insulting.

Thankfully, my huge brain came to the rescue.

When I was being used as a plaything by LydiE she told me I was an “art project” ergo, I got on the phone and she readily agreed to bang out some paintings in addition to the considerable amount she had already done and sent to people such as Tom (Cruise), Kate (Winslet) and Barbar (Ella).

I cobbled all this material together, added some words and flogged it to those idiots at The Sunday Times Magazine Supplement.

I got a tidy sum, let me tell you. I had to give half to LydiE but there’s still enough to fund several months of disgraceful conduct (for me and her).

For copyright reasons you’ll have to buy The Sunday Times to see my “Art Report”.

Once their rights have expired, I can reproduce my masterpiece here – which I shall do.

I’d like to add, regarding some of the pictures, some things can appear smaller in paintings than they are in real life. It’s complicated and involves perspective. It’s a well-known phenomenon well discussed in academic circles. So, just to reiterate: something may look small but is actually big.

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