Common Mistakes

They say every person in their life makes one big mistake.

One! I make a big mistake every single day

When you’ve made as many mistakes as I have you can’t help become an expert. I’m willing to pass on some of this expertise; not as an act of philanthropy or love of humanity, rather, because I have the crass audacity to be an arrogant twat. Another mistake perhaps.

I was going to tell you about the time I accidently fired a –redacted– and how to avoid doing that. But, how many of you out there will ever have access to a –redacted-? Exactly, none of you.

Ergo, I have chosen as my subject, Bondage.

I needed a dumb blonde so went straight for –redacted– but she said no. I then, obviously, went for –redacted– but she said no. So, obviously, I asked –redacted– but she wanted me to –redacted– in her –redacted– which I said no to. Obviously, I resorted to Sarah. Now, Sarah has a supreme intellect even though she’s blonde but, nevertheless, she said yes. What a dumb blonde

Common Mistakes in Bondage:

My design for a Cross has been followed correctly. However: UNSECURED TART. As soon as she sees my hammer drill adapted to be a supermax dildo she’ll be straight out of the window


Nicely secured but PANTIES in POSITION. Her knickers will have to be cut away or torn off in order to access her lovely tight holes


That bloody blindfold is hopeless. There’s eye holes in it. She’ll be able to see the bizarre things you produce – such as the tit-vacuum machine – and then she’ll start screaming because, yes, she’s not gagged


This mistake is so common and so avoidable. LOST KEYS. Put them somewhere you’ll remember and keep a spare set in your car


What’s this all about? I needed to tell you about hose-pipes


ffs, she’s escaped now. BAD SECURING. Look, her knickers are still on. Is that guy the one supposed to be fixing the fence?


This whole thing’s gone tits up (or down). I wanted to give advice about loads of stuff, most of which was bondage related and some stuff I was going to mention about tit-glue. This is turning out to be a mistake


She’s doing it again

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