In a recent article I appear to have suggested eating a tart with a fork. This was fine. However, I then went on to say I would eat a Tart with a fork. This may make me appear a nut-job which, I’m not.
What I should have said was I would eat the tart with a fork but would eat the Tart with a spoon which makes me look less like a nutter – which is true.
I do actually own a spoon which, occasionally, is put to use with regards to Tarts. It is an unusual spoon with a deep bowl and very long handle. It has a logo on it; “Horlicks”. Yes, Horlicks. The spoon is of a type known as a ‘goblet spoon’. Yes, a goblet spoon. You couldn’t make his stuff up.
To examine my spoon, and have it examine you, and subsequently taste what it collects, please contact me forthwith (you may also get spanked but I can’t promise that because this matter concerns the spoon which you think doesn’t exist but, let me assure you, it does – as does the practices hinted at and, yes, those ones you just thought of)