About Me Too

My egotism & megalomania has led me to constantly change my Imagefap profile [About Me].

The historic ‘About Me‘ pages are being lost in time, like tears in the rain.

My megalomania & egotism can’t cope with this. Ergo, I will rescue them for posterity by placing them here.

I won’t simply copy them over; I’ll had a picture here and there.

And, to spice thing up, I’ll drop in a juicy fact – every time.

One day, who knows when, the About Me will be 100% true…

Shit, did you feel that? Deja Vu.

[Most recent first]

About Me [take your pick]


About Me

I provide award winning disciplinary services for naughty tarts throughout the entire known world.

Based in England, I provide spanking & ancillary services to any tart desirous of high quality punishment.

Fully certified & licensed, by me, all procedures are administered in-house. Nothing is outsourced or contracted out to wankers – look where that got every other twat.

Equipment used is of the highest standard much of which is designed or adapted by geniuses (me).

I have authored industry standard guides such as the Guide to Spanking (banned by Amazon) and give lectures to anyone daft enough to listen, My latest works pertain to tits and their abuse thereof.

Recent expansion has seen me enter the tit abuse sector. With great success, I might add.

If you ‘re a naughty tart you need me.

You Deserve MeTM

The unusual scar on my left palm is from a fight over nothing

From the dizzying heights to the terrifying lows I have explored the entire range of human activity on this little-known planet orbiting a rather insignificant sun in a solar system which is one of many in this universe where me have made our home.

I have glimpsed what came before and what is yet to be.

I am a tortured genius whose mind is a chaos of ideas, plans & stories of wonder.

My pen is one of many weapons I surround myself with. Yet, here, I use it to entertain.

I am one of the few left that can see. I do not squander this – I am exploring.

Explore with me and maybe you can see too.


About Me

Does Sywwow serve?


I carry twenty-three great wounds, all got in war.

Seventy-five men have I killed with my own hands in battle.

I scatter, I burn my enemies’ tents.

I take away their flocks and herds.

The Americans pay me a golden treasure, yet I am poor.

Because, I am a river to my people.

So, it was written.


About Me

In your mind, he’s always been there.

He’s handsome, great looking with a touch of the pretty, urbane, sophisticated.

All your friends want him. He charms them. They are jealous of you. They can’t have him: He worships only you.

He satisfies you like no-one else ever could. You never even ask, he just knows.

There is a danger about him. He’s done things. Only you can keep him in check – you do this, just by being you.

You are the luckiest girl ever.

Your heart flutters thinking of him.

He is perfect.

He is your dream man.


Now, fuck off and leave me alone.

About Me
I’m not like other guys who bang on about how great they are in their ‘about me’.

It goes without saying that I’m fucking great.

I’d rather concentrate on all the good things I do for society and the world in general, in the hope I’ll impress some tart, any tart.

Nothing comes to mind, unfortunately.

Wait, yes: what a wonderful thing that was I did. No, sorry, that was my brother.

I did donate some money to some charity. No, sorry, that was actually a bar and I got some drinks in exchange.

I was born in Corbridge.

This is a recent photo taken in Oxfordshire. Some maniac tart cut my hair since then.

Did I tell you how great I am? In case I didn’t: I’m fucking great.

People who don’t know me don’t, usually, slag me off.

I like puppies.

Mothers like me: randy tarts.

I think I’ll leave it there.

About Me

I’m probably well known to many of you as the author of works on the Roman Empire and The Gods of Rome and ancient Greece.

Feel the beat - of my heart
I once had a single in the UK charts – it reached No. 42

My research has become a much discussed subject in academia, For example, my report on the link betwixt not swallowing sperm and the melting of glaciers has received limited media coverage.

My latest project examining the beneficial effects of facials has already had an unexpected off-shoot of revealing the advantageous effects cum has on female hair. This discovery is set to make a splash and alter the entire hair product market.

On Imagefap, I primarily write smutty captions on pictures of tarts. Additionally, I do stuff about my favourite sporting activity: Spanking.

If you email me naked pictures please use “Look at this first‘ in the subject line.

About Me

I shall spank every single woman on this planet who wants me to do that very thing – this is my pledge & mission.

I also write poetry

I have a pet lion but he now lives at Longleat after that whole eating of a couple of trespassers business that was neither his fault nor mine. If you come on my property without prior agreement you must expect to be eaten by a ferocious beast.
No-one in the right mind could possibly disagree with that.

I have recently started a petition at: https://petition.parliament.uk/
It is demanding the UK government award me a knighthood for all the great things I’ve done. Please go there and sign it so I can be Sir Sywwow and be even more of an arrogant cunt than I am already.

Thanks for reading my ‘about me’ now fuck off

Thus spake:

Lord Sywwow, Lord of Corbridge and The Border Reivers