Aphrodite’s attempt at showing the correct positioning of the female arse for caning (by ME) was completely ruined by virtue of the fact she was using a product from the evil empire of Apple.
Her tiny, but sweet, brain attempted to correct this gaff by using another phone.
Predictably, it was yet more unsuitable as it was a Huawei which, as anyone who knows what’s what in IT (that means no-one) has been aware of for over a decade; all Chinese equipment has back doors which they use to spy on you. Yes, especially cctv equipment – they thought I didn’t know that but I do – we all do, down at Chippenham.
Meanwhile, in Hong Kong, I note my pals are still in that ‘hotel’. I think they’d rather be at home. Hold on, was that an email from Chippenham? I believe it was
Back to Aphrodite and her balls up of a simple task that even Amazone could have accomplished. Probably. She has done yet another photo using yet another phone:
Since introducing my fraudulent currency I’ve become a Billionaire.
This epic scam is making waves all over the financial world as they struggle to come to terms with the fact people can just print out cash for themselves to spend, a privilege once reserved for bankers & governments.
Doing this sort of thing soon attracts the attention of vile evil criminals such as bankers but they don’t scare me because they’re fags – every single one of them. So much so, as they realise their days are numbered, they’re re-training to pollute other fields of employ – they are, after all, merely wage slaves. Their lack of intelligence makes them think changing their name tag will protect them – it won’t.
You can download & print out my free money and waste it on crap like rich people do.
I had clamped Dame Beatrice’s enormous udders in my Black & Decker Workmate and was busy using my adapted vacuum cleaner to suck her nipples.
The vac nozzle was self-attached to her right nipple and was causing her entire right breast distress.
Everything was going well. I’m not mad so I came up with a reason for this painful and humiliating torture: she had to confess something that I knew but she had to tell me.
There was nothing for her to confess, it was a ruse.
I have adapted a battery-operated hammer drill to act as a high-powered dildo (large amounts of WD40 lubrication is essential). As I switched it on and began to insert it into her perfect ass hole she said (loudly); “STOP! I’ll confess”.
Let me tell you, what I heard shocked me to the core.
Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s disobedience, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling guilty about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I got to do all three.
All of that was planned: by the three sluts.
They had constructed this elaborate sham in order to all get what was intended for Aileen only.
Orson Welles, John Ford, Steven Spielberg; movie producers & directors.
Once in a generation comes a genius who transforms the cinematic world, all whom follow are merely imitators.
Who could be next in this esteemed line of Maestros? Who will be the person to change the world forever? Whose name will be etched in to the history of human intellect? Whose name will be mentioned alongside Chapin, Lean & Scorsese? Whom will it be with so many awards he can’t get in the downstairs toilet so has to use the other one or one of those upstairs (but not that one at the end where the big spiders live)? Who will say to Francis Ford Coppola; “Frankie, baby” – because he’s revered by all other film legends who want to be friends with him?
Listen up suckers, I’m going to stiff it to the man and bring down his bourgeoise capitalist empire.
I’m going to destroy all banks, financial institutions and governments by wrecking their international currency scam. I’ve brought out a new currency. Oh yeah, its Crypto as well.
The new Sywwow Dollar is valid everywhere – especially for criminal & seedy transactions.
Those twats at the EU, Wall Street and Birmingham International Airport will go mad when they realise.
Because I’m an anarchist, maverick and slightly deranged I’m going to cause even more chaos by showing you how to forge this currency (Oh yeah, its Crypto as well). Simply download the download, print it out, cut it out, and then go on a spending spree knowing it will cost you nothing.
Listen up Tarts, I told you lot not to use my Twat Cooling Spray for Cooling your Twats. Its function is purely for gluing tits together and attaching skirting boards to walls without need of screws.
A user of my Twat Cooling Spray used it to Cool her Twat and, essentially, sealed it shut such is its adhesive excellence which is why it’s now for breast bonding.
The twattish twat whinged on for ages in an email complaining her twat was hotter than ever because it was closed off. She was also dripping on about how it was affecting her ability to work and have ‘fun’.
On the positive side, she informs me the coat hook which keeps falling off the door in the bathroom has now been fixed so permanently “you can swing off it”.
I won’t name this silly slut but take heed of her words; “I won’t used it on my twat anymore. That’s for sure. Instead, I’m going to get guys to use it on my tits when I’m fucking for fun”.
Reassuringly, she has sent some photos showing, after a mere seven days, countless baths and some WD40, her twat is back in full working order and open for business (and fun):
I always thought I was a genius and now I have proof.
Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s naughtiness, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling remorseful about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I get to do all three. I am a genius with no match.
Certain remarks, articles, statements, magazines, books, videos, press interviews, TV appearances and a website called sywwow.com attribute Lord Sywwow with all manner of derogatory & demeaning statements about Tarts – particularly blonde ones.
Thankfully he can explain all this away with three words: “I was hacked”
So, that’s clear: anything ‘bad’ about Sywwow wasn’t him whilst anything ‘good’ (even if untrue) is him.
Notes to editors: That picture of him and Meghan Markle must not be used: all rights to this image have been rescinded
The forthcoming magazine “Tarts Tormenting Tarts” from Sywwow Publishing LLP will, naturally, feature Tarts Tormenting Tarts.
At a meeting held on Zoom where I dressed as a gorilla and no fucker noticed, I suggested using Sarah as a lead model because she’s well fuckable and, being based in Australia, can’t possibly get anywhere near me to dish out the retribution which I so richly deserve but would cry if subjected to.
Everyone in the meeting was against this, preferring to use someone much closer to me, very very close to me, who would be better placed to dish out the retribution which I so richly deserve but would cry if subjected to.
I overruled them because I’m in charge. Plus, I don’t take any notice of anyone because I’m always right.
Ergo, the shoot was organised and Sarah brought with her a Tart friend of hers to torment.
My robot first brought my attention to something being wrong at Imagefap. In order to avoid problems on this site I simply killed the limited existing content & links (all of which are available facilities from Ifap – not me sucking in content, a single gallery embed for instance)
Ifap suffer from content raiding where robots harvest vast amounts of images automatically. This site detects such attempts and deals with them.
Ifap decided they would deal with this problem and introduced some form of limiter.
I was shocked and stunned to learn Miss Aileen S had been tardy with a library book and returned it three days late.
The book, “Mesopotamian financial processes and the relation to socio-economic practices of the modern world” must be a popular book and in demand. It is correct; therefore, she received a 3euro fine (plus 100euros admin fee) for its overdue return.
Where would we be if we allowed people to just return library books whenever they felt like it? Anarchy, Chaos, War – that’s where we’d be.
It’s got fuck all to do with me so I have decided to teach the tart a lesson.
What I shall do is strip her naked but leave her panties in situ.
I shall then, using my Tart Ties*, secure her to the bed spread-eagled, face up.
I will then bond her udders together using my Twat Cooling Spray being careful where the adhesive is squirted so I can tit fuck the fuck out of her tits for fucking ages. I’m not mad, I shall devote a large amount of time to her right nipple. The left shall go unpunished because it’s innocent as regards this whole library book affair.
I shall delay ejaculation for as long as I can. When the time comes, I shall attempt, from between her breasts, to jet my cum into her ear – I’ve not decided yet whether it will be her right or left ear though I’m partial to the idea of the left one which seems right.
After this, I shall toss my hair back and look sexy as fuck so she thinks I’ll fuck her – which I won’t.
I’ll then rearrange her on the bed this time securing her face down using my Tart Ties*
Using scissors, I shall dispense with her panties and then make a great dramatic show of preparing to spank her.
Guess what? I won’t spank her. It will drive her bonkers. I’ll then run off down the stairs laughing like a Banshee.
That’ll teach the Tart.
*Tart Ties: invented by Lord Sywwow in 2016; they are a secret and can only be seen if you visit him or, worse still, he comes to you (which he sometimes does, but only with an invitation)
Update: You wankers, why did you let me blab my plans on here so she could read them and tell me I can’t do any of the above? It’s not fair. Why’s she being so horrid? I’m so sad now.
Falling foul of the ever changing travel restrictions has returned ‘Daphne‘
Her swordsmanship is like no other. She lies, cheats & steals to win Monopoly. Her skills at Scrabble are lacking but no-one no-one plays it Topless quite like her. She can shoot an automatic with precision and a shotgun with alacrity. She writes poetry, sings in the bath, talks incessantly about so much and so little with an accent that makes me delirious. She loves Bonnie & Marie – even the dog, who has taken to following her to see what she does next.
She eats caviar from her little finger’s nail. Absinthe, she adds a tear collected from her cheek. An angel’s tear.
She has a friend, a little dragon. It hides in her eyes. Perhaps it is this which creates her beautiful tears.
I shall slay this dragon. This is why she’s been returned. These things are written
My attention has been drawn to a popular DIY site where instructions can be found regarding home maintenance tasks.
To say I was livid was an understatement.
My ‘Twat Cooling Spray’ is most certainly not a ‘gap filling grab adhesive’. How dare they.
My product was a genuine attempt to help Tarts, Sluts & Whores cool off their cunts in a safe & convenient manner. Its unfortunate adhesive qualities were soon apparent which is why it’s now recommended by any self-respecting tit abuser to bond breasts beautifully. It is NOT for fixing skirting boards to walls.