Miss Aileen S

The Library Book

I had clamped Dame Beatrice’s enormous udders in my Black & Decker Workmate and was busy using my adapted vacuum cleaner to suck her nipples.

The vac nozzle was self-attached to her right nipple and was causing her entire right breast distress.

Everything was going well. I’m not mad so I came up with a reason for this painful and humiliating torture: she had to confess something that I knew but she had to tell me.

There was nothing for her to confess, it was a ruse.

I have adapted a battery-operated hammer drill to act as a high-powered dildo (large amounts of WD40 lubrication is essential). As I switched it on and began to insert it into her perfect ass hole she said (loudly); “STOP! I’ll confess”.

Let me tell you, what I heard shocked me to the core.

Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s disobedience, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling guilty about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I got to do all three.

All of that was planned: by the three sluts.

They had constructed this elaborate sham in order to all get what was intended for Aileen only.

I feel used

It’s not fair

Continue Reading The Library Book

The Library Book

I always thought I was a genius and now I have proof.

Miss Aileen S. failed to return a library book and got fined do I decided to punish her but she refused. Dame Beatrice heard of this effrontery so offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. Then Lady Andrea S. finds out about Aileen’s disobedience and, out of guilt & embarrassment over her daughter’s naughtiness, offered to take Aileen’s punishment, which I agreed to. I didn’t tell her or Beatrice about having two identical offers. Then, guess what? Aileen, no doubt feeling remorseful about her horrid treatment of me agreed to the original punishment. I didn’t tell any of the three sluts what the others had agreed to meaning I get to do all three. I am a genius with no match.

Continue Reading The Library Book

The Library Book

Lady Andrea S has learned of Miss Aileen S and her refusal to let me punish her for returning that library book late.

She, obviously, is distressed to learn of her daughter’s disobedience. That’s how Genghis Kahn started out – not returning library books by the due date.

She has kindly offered to substitute for Aileen and take everything Aileen should have endured.

I didn’t mention the fact Dame Beatrice has made an identical offer because I didn’t think it pertinent.

Dame Beatrice: wants tying up, tit fucking, sperm in her ear, no spanking and being left frustrated. Sucker


Lady Andrea S: also wants tying up, tit fucking, sperm in her ear, no spanking and being left frustrated. Double Sucker
Continue Reading The Library Book

The Library Book

Mesopotamian financial processes and the relation to socio-economic practices of the modern world by S. Herbert (2019, Oxford University Press, ISBN: 9781074474447)

I was shocked and stunned to learn Miss Aileen S had been tardy with a library book and returned it three days late.

The book, “Mesopotamian financial processes and the relation to socio-economic practices of the modern world” must be a popular book and in demand. It is correct; therefore, she received a 3euro fine (plus 100euros admin fee) for its overdue return.

Where would we be if we allowed people to just return library books whenever they felt like it? Anarchy, Chaos, War – that’s where we’d be.

It’s got fuck all to do with me so I have decided to teach the tart a lesson.

What I shall do is strip her naked but leave her panties in situ.

I shall then, using my Tart Ties*, secure her to the bed spread-eagled, face up.

I will then bond her udders together using my Twat Cooling Spray being careful where the adhesive is squirted so I can tit fuck the fuck out of her tits for fucking ages. I’m not mad, I shall devote a large amount of time to her right nipple. The left shall go unpunished because it’s innocent as regards this whole library book affair.

100 Euros (admin fee)

I shall delay ejaculation for as long as I can. When the time comes, I shall attempt, from between her breasts, to jet my cum into her ear – I’ve not decided yet whether it will be her right or left ear though I’m partial to the idea of the left one which seems right.

After this, I shall toss my hair back and look sexy as fuck so she thinks I’ll fuck her – which I won’t.

I’ll then rearrange her on the bed this time securing her face down using my Tart Ties*

Using scissors, I shall dispense with her panties and then make a great dramatic show of preparing to spank her.

Guess what? I won’t spank her. It will drive her bonkers. I’ll then run off down the stairs laughing like a Banshee.

That’ll teach the Tart.

*Tart Ties: invented by Lord Sywwow in 2016; they are a secret and can only be seen if you visit him or, worse still, he comes to you (which he sometimes does, but only with an invitation)

Update: You wankers, why did you let me blab my plans on here so she could read them and tell me I can’t do any of the above?
It’s not fair. Why’s she being so horrid?
I’m so sad now.

It’s not fair


Continue Reading The Library Book

Two Tart Ensemble

By, Fashion Editor, Miss Aileen S., Milan

Emerging Fashion Empire, Fashion by Sywwow, has revealed its new design for the hotel and bedroom: “The Two Tart Ensemble”.

“The Two Tart Ensemble”
Continue Reading Two Tart Ensemble

A Frightful Business

As you may be aware, poor Sywwow (a great & wonderful man) was subjected to a sexual ordeal by two great looking tarts.

They did a number of things to him which are too explicit to mention here but its fair to assume they did all the things to him that you would like to do to him – yes, especially that.

Sywwow is a shy & delicate man who wouldn’t dream of doing anything naughty: unlike these pair of scallywags.

Here’s a wanted poster showing the culprits – caught on CCTV

“They made me kiss their bottom holes”

Continue Reading A Frightful Business

The Romans and the Greeks

Miss Aileen S and I shall now attempt to get some smarts in your head by outlining our joint theory on the Greek influence on the establishment of the Roman Empire.

Yes, Sywwow and I will be examining the impact of the Greeks, using, as an example, the education of the young Gaius Octavius, latterly Emperor Augustus.


Bloody Hell


When you type your tits move about.

Do they?

Yes. Type something now.

I’m typing something now.

Bloody Hell. It’s because you’re sitting like that to reach the laptop. And, your arms are closer together which squashes them a bit.

Just ignore them. Try to resist the temptation to look at them.

Bloody hell. It’s when you type ‘T’s. Type a load of stuff with a ‘‘T’ in it.

Tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits tits

Bloody hell. It’s the top you’re wearing. It’s pushing your tits together making them more alluring than usual.

Miss Aileen S. wearing a top

If I take it off will that help?

It’s worth a try.
Bloody Hell


It’s worse now. Don’t type stuff with a T in it

That’s not possible. Trust me it’s true. It’s not possible even if I tried

Try typing with just your right hand

What do I do with my left hand?
Shall I do this?

That’s a good idea. Bloody hell

Shall we?


You know?

Oh yes, Okay. That’s a good idea

Continue Reading The Romans and the Greeks

Amazone Reports on Miss Aileen S.

Special Correspondent Amazone finds out all there is to know about Miss Aileen S.

Use the other ear, that’s what I do

Hello, it’s me.


Special Correspondent Amazone.

I can’t hear you very well, I’ve got sperm in my ear.

Use the other ear, that’s what I do.


Use the other ear, that’s what I do.

That’s got sperm in it too.

How did it happen?


Sywwow did it.

He must have had a good reason.

He must have. He’s so great

He is so great


He is so great

He is so great

He is

He is

I hope the BBC are reading this so they can learn about real old-fashioned reporting (I fact checked all this and its factually accurate)

Continue Reading Amazone Reports on Miss Aileen S.

The Nature of Genius

Miss Aileen S and I were engrossed in a philosophical debate on the nature of genius.

had been plotting something or other

Through the course of human existence there has been only ever been several real geniuses. Leonardo Da Vinci was one whilst Einstein was not. We were debating this very point when who barges in? No, it was Dame Beatrice. Following close behind was Lady Andrea S.

I could tell by the cheeky grin on Dame Beatrice’s face the pair of lesbian fuck-buddies had been plotting something or other.

Lady Andrea could barely contain herself and said she needed punishing. She then poured forth a list of trivial and minor indiscretions of such meekness they were barely worth a moment’s thought.

Dame Beatrice, meanwhile, is nodding and looking shocked as each insignificant misdemeanour was trotted out.

Andrea demanded she be punished. I explained these were not cause for admonishment, that she was forgiven and to worry no more.

demanded she be punished

I hoped she would let Aileen and I return to our discussions but no. Beatrice said Andrea needed ‘taking in hand’ and the Lady in question was now demanding I deal with her ‘harshly’.

Acquiescing to the pair of cunt munchers I decided on a suitable punishment, aided by the increasingly keen, Beatrice: 25 hard spanks to her naked bottom, ten strikes with the cane to each bum cheek, 11 minutes of severe grasping and kneading of the breasts and the insertion of a large object into the ass-hole which was to remain there all day and, finally, this was to be ‘independently witnessed by a disinterested party – Dame Beatrice

Once this was agreed the plan concocted by the two cunts was revealed when Andrea said; “Ha!”, pointing at Aileen; “She did all those things too, so you’ll have to do it to her”.

I had been entrapped by a pair of fanny fingering fuckers.

Poor Aileen then had to endure: 25 hard spanks to her naked bottom, ten strikes with the cane to each bum cheek, 11 minutes of severe grasping and kneading of her breasts and the insertion of a large object into her ass-hole which was to remain there all day and, finally, this was independently witnessed by a ‘disinterested’ party – Dame Beatrice.

As the shocked and hurt Aileen tried to sit comfortably with a medium sized courgette in her bottom my attentions turned to Andrea. Had she not agreed to this punishment? Yes, she fucking well had.

She knows who Einstein is. The other two tarts think ‘Einstein’ is a single glass of beer. Yes, what idiots: “A single glass of beer”. ffs: you couldn’t make it up

Ergo, the tricky trickster was subjected to: 25 hard spanks to her naked bottom, ten strikes with the cane to each bum cheek, 11 minutes of severe grasping and kneading of her breasts and the insertion of a large object into the ass-hole which was to remain there all day and, finally, this was independently witnessed by a party who could see what was coming next – Dame Beatrice.

As Andrea stood sulking in a corner, unable to site because of a door knob up her arse, my attentions turned to Dame Beatrice.

She dutifully disrobed knowing at any time I could rattle out a number of things she has done which warrant the most severe punishments I have available.

I love Beatrice, that smile, fucking hell. However, I am a professional and therefore subjected her to: 25 hard spanks to her naked bottom, ten strikes with the cane to each bum cheek, 11 minutes of severe grasping and kneading of the breasts and the insertion of a large object into her ass-hole which was to remain there all day and, finally, this was independently witnessed by two very interested parties – Lady Andrea S and Miss Aileen S who were horrified but pleased when I managed to insert an oversized cucumber up her anus.

All three of them look a little put out – or put in – as they can’t sit down. On the bright side, in six hours’ time a new day will begin and I’ll let them free up their arses for other activities.

Who is the victor in this tale of plots, schemes and hoodwinking? Fuck Knows. Me probably.

Continue Reading The Nature of Genius

I watch a Video

When I entered the living room who was in there? No. Lady Andrea S.

On her knees sucking a cock.

I didn’t recognise its owner. “This is Frank, he’s an old friend”, she quickly said before returning his penis to her slimy gob.

Frank my arse. She picked him up at McDonald’s. Yes, I know. I know everything, absolutely everything. Of course, I know about that, I know all about that and have done since you did it.

I, as you could imagine, was furious. We had all agreed to never go to McDonald’s because of the rain forest, global warming or some other stupid reason which seemed important at the time.

Frank, perturbed at this interruption, hurried things along and face fucked the slut. Choosing to cream her face, he messed her up quite nicely getting some in her hair which is always a good finishing touch for a Tet de Fuck.

Pulling up his trousers, he filled in her card and had left the building before she’d even finished collecting his spunk from her face and consuming it like the greedy whore she is.

I checked her card and was astounded at what I found:

Fucking hell !

Lady Andrea S. is the best cock sucking slut there is. How dare he give her such a rubbish review which, nevertheless, will be dutifully entered on her excel spreadsheet (Cock sucking Section)

I reasoned, by the time I collected, assembled and primed my rifle, he’d be long gone so ordered her to follow me, on her hands and knees, to the kitchen.

By the time she arrived I had a laptop on the kitchen table. I ordered her beneath the table out of my sight. Once under there she eventually figured out the task at hand and sucked me dry whilst I watched a fantastic video of Sarah at a casting session. I watched it on repeat so soon pumped my load into Andrea’s fucked face. Entitled Casting it’s an excellent video. I’ll put it on Sywwow.com and it will reside here

She was emerging, without permission I might add, when who comes in? No. It was Aileen with a delightful friend who I can’t name because I’ve not thought up a name yet.

What were they carrying? No, it was a fucking McDonald’s. Before I had chance to drone on about the environment and other crap, she handed me a bag so I shut up and ate the contents contained therein.

They hadn’t brought one for Lady Andrea but she’d had more than enough to eat already. So, I rummaged through a selection of my Order Cards and gave her an annoying one:

Do as it says: It’s an order

We ate our meal enjoying it and chatting about various things but primarily how great I am and my many achievements such as that article featuring me in The Daily Mirror – you know the one I am referencing.

I created a diversion and, during the commotion, swapped my Milkshake for Aileen’s and profited from the con to the tune of half a milkshake and a handful of fries.

Meanwhile, slut of the century, is trying to disguise the fact she’s climaxing. Where on the card did it say she was to cum? Nowhere.

Having scoffed the McDonalds including the bizarre Apple Pie and the excellent coffee I decided I would have to discipline Lady Harlot for being out of control. I made our excuses and took her to the garage and tied her to the excellent wooden X I made (or rather outsourced to have made) and whipped her most cruelly.

She’s still down there now with a broom handle up her arse as I write this and chat to Aileen and Janice about the achievements of The Emperor Augustus, son of Caesar so, therefore, son of a god.


If you contact me, I shall send you an order card, picked at random. You can have it with my compliments but must do precisely what is written on the card because it is an order from ME.

Continue Reading I watch a Video

From Britain with Love

***Press Release***

From Britain with Love” is set to change movies forever.

Quote: Lady Andrea S.: Co-producer & Second Lead: “I tripped when I saw the script, Cats, it’s dreamy. I’m jazzed. Cool, ice, epic, a masterpiece, psychedelic, oooozing, I love it”.

Quote: Sywwow: Producer: “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star how I wonder what you are. They’re pinpricks into the firmament beyond and, if I had a ladder of such a length, I could climb through one and look at everything there ever is and ever was”.

Miss Aileen S.: Co-Star: “Perrrrrfect. Purrrrrr, Purrrrrr. I am a cat. A little kitty cat watch as I lick my paws, my lovely paws. Purrrrr”.

Ms. Amazone: Co-Star: “Take a journey into your own mind see if you can tell where you really are because it isn’t what you think. Where is that place you’ve been but never were? Why would you know when there is an answer but the question is opaque. It’s no mystery, it’s an illusion in a drop of dew. Morning dew”.

From Britain with Love, Sywwow Films, release date tbc, Warner Brothers Distributor, D’t Sywwow, Dir.,



Lady Andrea S. Sywwow Films


Notes to editors: All enquiries via usual route. Images released for use, proviso credit sywwow



Continue Reading From Britain with Love


It’s her

Lady Andrea S. denies the picture from 1926 is her.

It’s not me“.


It’s her.

She denied being in that calendar when it was her in that calendar.

It was her in that calendar

When those photos of me in Blackpool emerged, I had the honesty to admit it was me after I secured ownership and ensured no-one would ever see them again. My initial denials were because I’m a lying twat prone to lying.

Miss Aileen, said; “It’s not my mom”. What a fibber.

Dame Beatrice said; “You fucker Sywwow, I read what you said in Teat Time 5. I’m going to punch you in the bollocks”. This has no bearing regarding the matter at hand.

For some time now I have been aware there are others with a time machine.

Tesla’s plans were available in some libraries until they disappeared. Someone with the required genius could build one. This, of course, would rule Lady Andrea out. She must have stolen it.


Continue Reading 1926

Sywwow Assaulted, Badly. It’s terrible

A Special Report by Special Correspondent Amazone

It’s fucking terrible.

A pair of sluts took advantage of poor Sywwow’s good nature and his wish to help everyone and hoodwinked him into taking his trousers off before subjecting him to an ordeal involving sexual activities.

The cunning cunts wore masks so no-one will ever know who they were although it wasn’t me and my mom because we weren’t there.

The German Cunts wore masks so no-one will know it’s them which it clearly isn’t.

The things they did were bizarre & disgusting. You know all the things you’d like to do to the twat – they did them and a lot more besides.

They didn’t spank him though, idiots. Oh, who am I kidding: they spanked his bare ass. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, as someone I know would say.

I don’t wish to talk about it”, said the great twat. “But I will”, continued the jerk. He then went on for ages about what they had done but I wasn’t listening.

Did you know Elephants never forget? Or is it mice? No, an elephant never forgets a mouse.

I know loads of stuff which is why I’m a Special Correspondent. I even know who those two sluts were but I’ll not let anyone know I know in case the German whores panic and decide not to do him again.

If they are thinking of having their despicable way with him again: The idiot leaves his back-door key under a plant pot by the door: a plant pot with no plant in it so, really, it’s just a pot.

They’ve already thoroughly used his back-door so they should use it again – see how he likes it.

A Special Report by Special Correspondent Amazone

Continue Reading Sywwow Assaulted, Badly. It’s terrible

I use Spy Craft to escape having a meal

After entertaining Lady Andrea S. to a lovely meal for one I expected some form of retaliation or payback. A plot even.

It came as no surprise when, surprisingly, an email turned up from Miss Aileen S warning of a plot against me:

Dear Sywwow you perfect perfect perfect man,

My mom is plotting against you and has got a plot all plotted out.

By, the way, milk my udders as soon as you can – you said you would, so do it.

Back to the plot, she is going to say she’s cooking you a lovely meal and you have to dress nicely. Not wear that flamboyant Oscar Wilde crap – or that bloody cape.

When you turn up, she’s going to say you look really nice and well presented. She’s then going to say she’s overcome with passion and wants to have sexual intercourse with you straight away, no messing about, immediately.
Just for good measure she’s going to tell you she wants you to ejaculate your semen into her award-winning cunt.

This is where the plot thickens. When you’re in the bedroom (the plot thickens) she’s going to say her desire is thus that she feels she needs to mount you like a rampant hussy but wants to tie you up to enable this.

Once you’re tied up: she’s going to Shit in your mouth.

The plot is fool-proof. She rehearsed it all with me, fool-proof I tell you, fool-proof.

Love Miss Aileen S.
PS Don’t forget to milk my udders

This is irrelevant


Well, you could have knocked me down with a train. What skulduggery.

This plot may be ‘fool-proof’ but I’m one fool that can’t be proofed – as sure as eggs are chicken poo.

Sure enough: “Sywwow you perfect perfect perfect perfect man, I’m cooking you a lovely meal so you have to dress nicely. Not wear that flamboyant Oscar Wilde crap – or that bloody cape”.

Sure enough: I’m in her kitchen where, I might point out, there are no signs of culinary preparation; steaming pots & pans and the like.

“What do you think?”, I asked, referring to my attire.

You look smart but why are you wearing a dress?”

“My lovely sweetheart and loveable love (Don’t I sound great) you are mistaken, for it not be a skirt but a kilt the tartan of which is from mine own clan the Clan -redacted- whom, I may add, are the most notorious of all the Highland clans.
A treacherous tribe of villains, cut-throats and thieves you never did see. Plus, some of us are lawyers and not averse to issuing writs and summonses. I know this from experience.

Why, should this tartan be insulted by, say, a stain or some dirt of some kind, the clan would not rest until the person responsible was hanging from an oak tree. It must be oak mind, must be oak, for it be the way of the Clan -redacted-.”

Well”, she said, “at least you look really nice and well presented…”

“I bet you’re overcome with passion and wants to have sexual intercourse with me straight away, no messing about, immediately. Well, let me tell you, I’m bang up for this notion of yours and, just for good measure, I want to ejaculate my semen into your award-winning cunt”.

You’ve read my mind”.

Plotting against me. ME. I never did fuck all to any fucker

Sure enough: we end up in the bedroom and I remove all of my clothes taking special care with the kilt for I do not wish to end up as a corpse dangling from an oak tree.

Sywwow, darling (here we go) my passion is thus that I feel I need to mount you like a rampant hussy. I need to tie you up to enable this”.

“My love, my sweetheart, my gorgeous blonde fuckable whore (don’t I sound great) by all means do this very thing you have set your heart upon”.

Sure enough: I’m quickly secured to the bed. Tied.

However, and though but, did she use my Tart Ties?: Did she fuck. It took me 3.7 seconds to escape, secure her to the bed securely with my Tart Ties and then, quick as you like, I did a shit in her mouth.

Game. Set. Match.

Postscript. I wasn’t going to mention this but, after a series of misunderstandings and a demonstration of my Tart Ties, I ended up secured next to Lady Andrea S. Miss Aileen then did a shit in my mouth.
At a point in time useless to me I received an email from Dame Beatrice:

Dear Sywwow you perfect perfect perfect perfect man,

Those two sluts, Andrea & Aileen, have got a shit plan worked out where they’re going to trick you so Aileen can do a shit in your mouth. I know you won’t fall for it but I thought I’d tell you anyway.

Dame Beatrice
Don’t forget, you said you would brand your initials on my fucking excellent award-winning ass and fuck with my tits

Beatrice’s arse – unbranded


It is worth noting: If I say I’m going to do something – I do that very thing. Every single time, without fail

Continue Reading I use Spy Craft to escape having a meal

Teat Time Part Five

At the close of Teat Time Part Four our beloved hero Lord Sywwow had Beatrice, seemingly, at his mercy awaiting what pleasures he would deliver upon her ample bosoms.

The misfortunate pair of tarts, Lady Andrea & Miss Aileen S. had been abused most dreadfully and were left secured to chairs like torture victims – which in fact they were. A pitiful sight – fuck all to do with Sywwow incidentally: Beatrice did it.

Beatrice was set to test lovely Sywwow to see if he was any good at abusing tits or just a twat. She had set herself up as Judge, Jury, Executioner and biased court reporter working for the BBC who’ve always had it in for Sywwow since that SWAT business.

What is to become of Sywwow? Will he survive this ordeal by fiery teacher or will he learn his lesson?

Let’s find out in Teat Time Part Five.


I read all that shit she said about me in Teat Time Part Four and was most put out I must say.

I’d rather let the whole thing go but honour dictates I gain satisfaction. Plus, her plus-sized mammeries do tempt me so.
Not only that but this: Seldom does one encounter a tit owner who is so in want of tit abuse of the class I excel in.

I looked at Lady Andrea and Miss Aileen. Their tits were in a sorry state and they had both been subjected to terrible treatment & torment. Fuck all all to do with me, I was an only a concerned bystander helpless as Beatrice did things to them with some help from me.

Would you mind enormously if I were to give you a kiss, you being so beautiful?”, I said to Dame Beatrice.

She shrugged her shoulders so I kissed her with every sinew of passion I could muster which, I assure you, is overwhelmingly great.

As I released her from my tight embrace and from the attentions of my lips & tongue, she let out a sigh and looked at me as if to say; “What the fuck was that?”

I took the opportunity to flick her nipples before saying most politely; “May I secure you so as to access your breast with greater efficiency than otherwise?”

Yes”, she replied with a hint of irritation.

I produced my Tart Ties and explained their operation to Beatrice who was suitably impressed. I then secured her four limbs to the chair and asked her to try and release herself. She tried and tried – fruitlessly.
Satisfied she was now at my disposal I grabbed those huge & perfect breasts and subjected them to as much twisting fondling and fierce grabbing as one could imagine. I then gave each the hardest slap they’d ever had in their tit abuse curriculum.

Just for good measure, I slapped her face with more power than she had used on mine – that’s for certain.

Her response was to shake her glorious hair and throw back her cheeky face as if to laugh at me.

I looked at the pair of fucked up sluts who appeared to be quite enjoying the show. I took pity on them as I am such an all ’round excellent guy. I released Aileen and told her to do likewise with her mother.

I ordered the pair of lesbians to bathe together and attend to their injuries before going to bed and caress each other until I deigned to attend upon them.

Lady Andrea objected saying she wanted to witness my destruction of Beatrice. Such things are not for gentle ladies such as her & her lovely daughter. My silence was enough for her to take Aileen’s hand and waft off to their appointed tasks – she knows well it unwise to cause me to repeat an order.

Soon it was just Beatrice and I.

Soon it was just Beatrice and I
Continue Reading Teat Time Part Five

The Right Here Affair

I entered the bedroom on a quest to retrieve my pen of pure gold, yes, pure gold – did you know it is illegal to own something made from pure gold? Well you do now.

As I made for the bedside cabinet where I knew it to be, for, you tend to keep track of items of special value (which is why I installed trackers inside my favourite tarts).

Lying on the bed, wearing practically nothing, and acting very seductive & sexy was Lady Andrea S. – what a slut.

I pretended not to notice her stroking her perfect cunt with her middle finger.

I want you to fuck me right here”, she said.

“I want you to fuck me right here”, she said. You heard her: “I want you to fuck me right here”, she said.

For fucks’ sake. I was going to use my pen and write a poem about the collapse of the Fiat money system and dwindling bond yields. I reasoned I could spare the time because, sometimes, this sort of thing can be dealt with in a disappointingly short period.

I dropped my trousers to my ankles and swiftly entered the cunt’s cunt in the missionary position, for expediency. Oh yes, I’ve always got an erection or semi when I’m near Lady Andrea.

I was beginning to enjoy fucking the twat and thoughts of poetry turned to a list of things I suddenly wanted to do to her and her excellent vagina. Not to mention her clit and, possibly, her anal passage.

I detected a lack of response from the tart beneath me so, propping myself up, I looked at her and said; “What is the matter my sweet love?”. Don’t I sound great.

I said, I wanted you to fuck my right ear”.

I thought you said you wanted me to fuck you right here?”

No. I said, I wanted you to fuck my right ear”.

It would seem she wanted me to fuck her right ear: right here. So, we were both wrong although I was less wrong than her.

I always give tarts what they want. I’m known for it (amongst tarts, who secretly talk about me when I’m not about – I know you do. Especially YOU).

I removed myself from within her and, it seemed right at the time, removed the clothing which had caused me to trip over when attempting to get to this ear she so wanted fucking.

Once at the hole in question I attempted to get my prick inside it. Impossible of course, but you never know.

I smeared her ear entirely and thrust in and at it.

Then the complaining loon breaks the mood again with; “I said, I wanted you to fuck my right ear”.

It transpires her right is my left and my left would be, in turn her right. This is the sort of fuck up where, in hospitals, they chop the wrong leg off or give you a penis enlargement instead of a tattoo removal which they then they to give you for free (and the enlargement) because it was all their fault which led to a satisfactory result all ‘round in my opinion.

Faced with the chore of having to go all the way to the other side of the bed I came up with a compromise and made her lie with her head at the foot of the bed so as I could access this all-important right ear without going to any trouble.

The silly tart had put her head too far down the bed so I took the opportunity of throat fucking the bitch. A bite soon saw an end to this plan and, after she re-positioned her stupid empty head. I did in fact fuck her ear. I used my hand to guide my wayward cock and probed it, its hole, and its entirety – front & back.

She, meanwhile, was getting herself off with the fingers of both hands.

Her right ear in its innocent virginal state

I played with her wonderful nipple as a sort of side dish which then caused an internal reaction leading to ejaculation.
I held her head so the ear was parallel to the bed and jerked off into her earhole which quickly overflowed with my spunk. Some of which made its way across her face towards her mouth. I was quite impressed by my sperms determination to get into her gob.

I don’t know why but I stuck my little finger in her ear, attempting to get the cum inside her I guess, but it sat there as a puddle in the cavity.

She was opening her mouth as if trying to clear her ear. Some of my plucky spunk made use of this and entered her slut trap.
She lay motionless.

Well, I fucked your right ear”.


I said I fucked your right ear”.


I had, unknowingly, taken her right ear’s virginity and she was reflecting upon this.

I left her lying in this cum-in-ear position. I was a little confused over the whole affair.

I then proceeded in a Westerly direction and found Miss Aileen S. in the living room reading a book about Greek Philosophy – isn’t she wonderful. I told her all about the right ear affair and its fucking thereof in the hope she may want her right ear fucking or, maybe, the left one.

It transpired she didn’t want her ear fucking so we did something else.

Continue Reading The Right Here Affair

More footwork

With Lady Andrea S. moaning so much about her feet hurting after them being caned so horribly I took pity upon the poor wretch and decided to do it again.

As I positioned her to my advantage, she beckoned me forth as if to whisper something.

The correct position for caning (of the feet)

Being wary of the ways & tricks of tarts I advanced but a pace or two.

With my nether regions in close proximity to her right foot she did use the toes upon this foot to prod, poke and otherwise attempt to grab my penis and testicular area.

In a moment of madness, I dropped my trousers like a whore.

Using a previously unknown skillset she pulled down my underpants which are exclusive and from Fashion by Sywwow.

She was achieving all this without altering her position which, as she knows, would contravene a direct order from me and thus render her entire body up for awful punishment of the type that would make you cringe & squirm to read of.

The dexterity of her feet and toes was quite extraordinary as she gave me a hand job with her feet. What I shall refer to and hereby name as a “foots job”.

This foots job was great and soon I was up for spunking all over the slag.

However, I am a man of decorum so I went to the trouble of going all the way up to her face and holding her nose until she gasped for air, at which point, I shoved my cock in her kisser and immediately filled her hole with my sperm.

I then ordered her to swill it around her mouth and gargle it for ages and ages and ages. And, ages. This was great fun to watch and, as her saliva added to the mix, was becoming something of a challenge for her.

Eventually I let her swallow it all because I’m a gentleman.

After all this I had forgotten about caning her feet and allowed her to put her legs down – which, come to think of it, should have reminded me to cane her feet.

Now she was saying she was turned on and asked me to do a number of things for and to her which were sordid and seemed more for her benefit than mine.

That trollop Miss Aileen S.

I refused these demands and tied her to the bed with my Tart Ties whilst I went off and dealt with that trollop Miss Aileen S.

After I spanked the tart, I felt guilty about Lady Andrea S. tied to the bed all frustrated like that. So, out of the kindness of my lovely heart I let her watch me fuck Aileen by doing her on the bed next to the still restrained whore.

I’ve since wondered if I should cane Miss Aileen’s delicate & pretty feet. I know, I’ll ask Lady Andrea for her opinion – after I untie her. Which I’m not of the mind to do.

If you would like your feet caned, I am happy to do it if you say ‘please’ or beg me in some other way

Continue Reading More footwork

First Time

Miss Aileen S. wishes to share this exquisite, intimate and special video with you

I am happy to facilitate this.

The video shows her first masturbatory orgasm caught on film:

She is wonderful. She brought herself to climax using her perfect udders – a skill in itself

Her mother, Lady Andrea S., can be proud of her daughter – the perfect Miss Aileen S.,

Miss Aileen S. with, mom, the equally gorgeous, Lady Andrea S.

Continue Reading First Time

Unfair Treatment of Tarts

When Miss Aileen S. returned and I told her my version of events which I embellished for dramatic effect whilst excluding some actions relating to me, she was livid.

Using a new found assertiveness she made me do things which I suggested – she’s very bad.

Dame Beatrice: Bound & gagged for making Lady Andrea S. consume a “piss, poo & cum salad” which contained no salad
Continue Reading Unfair Treatment of Tarts

Teat Time Part Four

At the close of Part Three, our hero, Lord Sywwow, had found himself with Dame Beatrice at his mercy.

Putting herself in harm’s way seems to good to be true for the easily distracted notorious man.

As oft is the case in these matters, perhaps not all is how it appears.

Could this legend be like so many, if not all, men and prove to be merely gullible and easily led by the charms of a beautiful woman?

I had heard all about this Sywwow from Lady Andrea. I was most unimpressed with the tales of his flamboyant appearance, outrageous behaviour and high-handed treatment of ladies.

It came as no surprise to hear from Miss Aileen: he had abused her sweet breasts leaving her in pained distress.

Journeying home when I received Aileen’s call, I made a detour.

Prodding, squeezing & twisting her titties, as I always do, I discovered how sore, to her, they proved to be.

This Sywwow fellow was in the process of torturing & milking poor Lady Andrea with a vacuum cleaner he had repurposed for the task as I entered the kitchen.

Switching it off, I have to confess, his creation of a device capable of milking and torture impressed me. His adaptation of existing technology put me in mind of Apollo 13.

He struck me like a lightning strike – so, I struck him. It was a reaction: a panic

Tormenting the pair of sluts as is my wont, I tested & probed this Lord of hers. He did not intervene, even aiding me in my dalliances.

Who is this man?

Exposing myself I placed my breasts, my entire self, at his disposal.

I have been subjected to the likes of him before. My large breasts and padded bottom are well capable of coping with attention from the likes of him.

Let’s see if he is worthy of having me or, like all before, a weak fool.

Naked, at his pleasure, he must hurt me and make me cry or will prove to be just like all the rest.

Dame Beatrice: a woman to be reckoned with

In life we are sometimes tested.

Preparation & rehearsal is what we do to face these tests so we may prove, somehow, worthy.

We are sometimes oblivious as we undergo our greatest tests. These are the trials which take place without our knowledge or consent.

Such is the case now for Lord Sywwow who embarks on an examination of great significance unaware his trial had begun when Dame Beatrice chose to answer a call whilst driving – an occurrence singular in itself.

Could this be the end of our hero and the man beloved by all women who have been touched by his greatness?

We shall have to discover the answer to this, and other questions, when revealed to us all will be: Teat Time Part Five

Teat Time Part One

Teat Time Part Two

Teat Time Part Three

Teat Time Part Four

Teat Time Part Five


Continue Reading Teat Time Part Four

Teat Time Part Three

At the close of Teat Time Part Two Sywwow was tormenting poor Lady Andrea’s right nipple, to the extreme.

His outrageous treatment of her was brought to a halt by the sudden arrival of Beatrice – close friend of Lady Andrea S.

Accompanying her was Miss Aileen S. who, similarly, had suffered at the hands of this maniacal loon.

Could this be the comeuppance for our dashing hero?

What is in store for the charming, urbane & beautiful Sywwow?

Let’s find out in Part Three of Teat Time

When I turned and saw Beatrice, I thought my number was up. Lady Andrea had told me all about this sexually aggressive tart and her wide-ranging talents & abilities. Looking at her in real life, as opposed to smutty pictures I’d stole from Aileen’s phone, she looked more than a match for me.

Continue Reading Teat Time Part Three

Teat Time (Part Two)

When we left Part One, tit-abuser, Sywwow, was discovered with one of Aileen’s teats up a vacuum cleaner pipe by her mother Lady Andrea S.

Andrea, alarmed at this sight and the distress her daughter was in, switched off the vacuum and verbally assaulted poor Sywwow.

What will become of our gallant hero at the hands of mommy dearest?

Let’s find out now in the second instalment of Teat Time:

Poor Aillen has very sore udders thanks to Sywwow

Lady Andrea S. was annoyed to say the least and demanded I release the captive Aileen.

Fearing a punch on the nose or further rebuke I hastily let the slut go free.

Thinking a lie might help I said; “She made me do it”.

Andrea, now examining Aileen’s damaged udders, replied harshly: “She did not make you do it. You are a lying twat”.

What evidence did she have to state I’m a liar? None. What a cow.

They were both now stroking and examining the tortured teats. Andrea, pointlessly, was kissing them better. Viewing all this caused my erection to return with a vengeance.

They both then left for the bathroom to tend to the ailing Aileen whom, in my considered opinion, was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Albeit an inflamed and large mole hill

Whilst they were elsewhere, I thought if I looked innocent when angry tart returned it would lessen the retribution. Ergo, I sat down, got my phone and looked at Sywwow.com to see what I’d done in Part One. I could hear the vengeful footsteps of mommy so started to whistle because that’s what innocent twats do. I couldn’t think of a tune off-hand so it was just a series of random notes. When, she burst in I scratched the side of my head – my pièce de résistance de innocence.

She’s having to put ointment on her lovely udders, you maniac”; she shouted.

I put the phone down and slowly shook my head as if I had fuck all to do with the most excellent tit abuse since the last pair I fucked with.

Get your shirt off”, she shouted.

Great”, I thought, we’re going to have sex and I’ll fuck her cunt until I cum inside then make her scoop it out and eat it.

After several minutes of unseemly struggling and a couple of slaps to my face I was secured to the chair recently vacated by, lovely fuck doll, Aileen.

What happened next can only be described as uncalled-for and unnecessary abuse of my good self by a loon.

She proceeded to attach the vacuum pipe to my nipples each in turn.

I said stuff like; “ow, that hurts, stop it etcetera etcetera etcetera”.

Rather than any pain or suffering it was a mild irritation. When she switched the vacuum back on she had left it in the stupid eco mode (low power) and neglected to close the air valve on the nozzle. What a fucking idiot.

She forced the barely functioning vacuum on me with her right hand. Meanwhile, with her other hand, she was fiddling with my belt and flies with the presumed aim of exposing my penis. Fearing what may come next and dreading the possibility the thick slut may discover what the air valve was for, I went into panic mode.

I started to cry. Noticing this she said; “What’s the matter?”.

It hurts”, I said, faintly.

I then put on my sad eyes and glanced at her. Tarts always fall for my sad eyes.

She removed the pipe. Head bowed, I mumbled; “I’m so sorry”.

Lifting my head up with her hand to my chin she asked me to repeat what I’d said.

I looked straight into her lovely eyes and, with tears in mine, softly said: “I’m so very sorry for what I did to Aileen. It was terrible. I don’t deserve you”.

Relenting, she dropped the hose and kissed me. Soon, she was releasing me from the chair. What a complete and total sucker.

Soon it was her held in my adapted captive chair which had previously had me in its grip and, before me, the helpless Aileen.

Andrea was back in angry mode struggling and saying the most awful things to me. I felt it unnecessary to resort to violence as it was only words but I slapped her around the face a few times anyway.

During my expert securing of the stupid whore I’d left her fully clothed. I soon ripped the blouse open but was then confounded by a bra. I cut it away with scissors. She was now whingeing about how expensive the blouse was so I stuffed the bra in her gob for some peace and quiet.

The vac was soon in full power mode and the valve sealed.

Now, Andrea has the most spectacular nipples in existence. They protrude must beautifully, especially when stimulated. They seemed to be inches long when subjected to the vacuum.

The most spectacular nipples in existence. Would Sywwow harm such a lovely pair?


For comparative purposes I decided to concentrate on her right nipple only and fixed the pipe on it. I watched, transfixed, as the teat was pulled into the pipe. She was looking away so I forced her head ‘round so she could experience the tit show.

Purely by accident I found, with the pipe removed, the angled hose attachment was an absolute perfect fit on her breast thanks to their shape and the design of the nozzle.

The hose simply clamped itself to her and, un-aided, refused to budge. The pipe was vibrating from the lack of air flow and the engine was making a right racket. This was an air-tight fit.

I had to use considerable strength to get the nozzle off her.

Her entire breast was red and purple. Her nipple was swollen and deformed to a much worse degree that Aileen’s were. Prodding her udder induced wincing and whimpering. Slapping her tit caused her to scream. (I slapped them repeatedly).

Lovely Lady Andrea S. has a very sore breast. Would Sywwow really force her to swallow his spunk whilst she’s in such a state?

I thought the best thing to do, given the circumstances, was to fuck her mouth. Discarding the hose, I held her head and fucked her mouth with gusto. At no time did I exit her wet sloppy hole as it filled with saliva and pre-cum. I thrust into her trying to choke her with my cock. She was struggling to consume the fluids or let them escape by opening her gob wide.

As I started to cum, I held her head as close as possible so the spunk went straight into her throat. I continued holding her until sure she’d swallowed all my sperm. She made wonderful gulping and gagging sounds as it went down – the filthy cum bucket.

I wiped my wet cock on her face. She then burped – what a pleasing cum whore.

After giving her my gift of seed, I reattached the nozzle delighting in the pain it was giving her.

Left in place the self-attaching hose did its torturous work allowing me to take photos of my handiwork.

I then realised I wanted to go pee pee.

It would be irresponsible to leave her unattended with the hose in full suck mode attached to her injured mammary gland. I’m not irresponsible so I stood on the kitchen table and pissed all over her – the dirty cow.

Suddenly the vac was off, the hose fell away revealing a horribly swollen breast.

In the doorway was Beatrice and Aileen.

What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” Shouted Beatrice.

Oh Dear.

The crazed nutter Sywwow has harmed Aileen’s udders and seriously hurt Andrea’s tits.

Beatrice has turned up to rescue her lesbian fuck buddy and is in no mood to be messed about with.

Beatrice, a teacher, is likely to use discipline against our hero or even give him detention in the library.

What will become of poor Sywwow? There’s three of them and only one of him. This is a terrible situation for the dear lover and poet.

The mind runs riot in fear and dread of what could happen to the man who invented Topless Chess and has contributed so much to the world.

Is Sywwow’s reign of chaos at an end?

We shall have to wait and see in Part Three of Teat Time.

Continue Reading Teat Time (Part Two)

Teat Time (Part One)


Have you seen the cost of milking machines? You’d have to be a farmer to bloody well afford one.

Not to be outdone, I ordered a length of 35m Perspex pipe (cut & chamfered to length) and a –redacted– vacuum cleaner with an adjustable air flow valve. I also bought the 10metre hose as opposed to the 3metre standard.

I duly rigged all this up and summoned Miss Aileen S., to the kitchen where I had laid out the chess board. She loves playing chess so was soon topless and sat ready to play the white pieces. I never play the white pieces. White pieces are for tarts and faggots.

By sitting in this particular chair, she had sat straight into my trap and was soon fixed in place. The cheek tart was smiling as if she knew all along. There’s no way she could have spotted those cuffs and ankle restraints I’d fitted to my ‘special kitchen chair’ unless she looked.

Have you bought a milking machine?”, she asked.

How the fuck does she do that?

Suck those tits

No”, I lied whilst still, somehow, telling the truth.

I then proceeded to get the pipe with its adjustable nozzle and perspex pipe attachment. I switched on the vacuum and closed the door as much as I could leaving the noisy contraption out of earshot thank to my 10metre hose: I’m a fucking genius and I’ve thought of everything.

I began by sucking her arms and back – I don’t know why; it seemed the polite thing to do.

She was saying “Ow, arrggh, stop it” and stuff like that but I was distracted by all the weird noises coming from the tube as it made contact with her skin. It left red marks behind. It had a bruising effect if left in place for a time.

Even whilst occupying myself with her body my attention was fixed on her perfect breasts.

I decided to kiss and suck her nipples and did so. Realising I had a job to do, I stopped suckling on her magnificent udders and squeezed and squashed her them until she was begging me to stop because ‘it hurts’.

I did stop, but only after twisting them 180 degrees – I like doing that.

I placed the pipe close to her nipple and she looked down, terrified. I held it there for a while taunting her. She knew from its effect on her arms there was a great deal of suction power at my disposal.

I adjusted the air flow to lessen the suction and then, without warning, rammed it on her nipple. She, of course, was moaning and whingeing – after all the trouble & planning I’d gone to you’d think she’d be more appreciative

Thanks to the Perspex pipe you could see her nipple being pulled in and distorted – it looked great. Even she was transfixed by the sight.

Pull the Udder One

I pulled the pipe away and her boob attempted to follow being pulled and stretched until the pipe broke free and the udder was released.

I briefly sucked and released the breast a number of times but soon returned to the best part: the nipple. I ramped the vacuum up to maximum and we both witnessed the bizarre effects it had on her teat distorting and misshaping it. I simulated a pumping effect by messing with the valve, all the time her mammary glands were held by the force of air.

The noise coming from the tube was both alarming and entertaining for both of us. Although she was in some pain it was more discomfort than agony.

When I relented and put the unit on her other udder the first nipple was sore, red and three times its normal size. When I pinched and pulled it, she let out a scream, such was the painful swelling.

This was proving a great success.

I reasoned I would have to think up a way of collecting milk if it was available – perhaps with another slut. Lactation can be induced through chemical means but I don’t think that’s advisable. I made a note to enquire anyway.

I released nipple number two so we could both admire my handiwork and, as before, it was misshapen, purple and swollen. The relentless high-powered suction was the cause of this and I was thinking of changing to the 3metre hose to enable even more power on her.

I think, if you have udders perfectly suited to be abused, you should happily surrender to this fate. My ‘milking’ them is a perfectly natural occurrence considering that’s what they’re meant for. Being a man, a mechanised method seems an ideal solution whilst women, I know, prefer to hand milk their cows.

I re-fixed the pipe to nipple number one and, by now sporting a massive erection, I was figuring out how to fuck her in the mouth whilst keeping everything in situ. I knew she’d like me to make love to her gob and it would take her mind of the soreness – I’m so considerate.

At this moment the door was opened and the noise of the vacuum made me turn towards it. There in the doorway was Lady Andrea S., “What the hell do you think you’re doing with my daughter…”

Oh Dear.

No tart would dare take on the maniacal Lord Sywwow but look at how pissed off she is.

She’s come home and found the crazy twat trying to force milk out of her daughter’s udders using a vacuum cleaner – albeit an expertly adapted one.

Could this be the end of Lord Sywwow’s reign of chaos?

What could she do to the poor defenceless Sywwow who was only trying to bring joy to the world?

Find out in the next thrilling instalment of Teat Time

Teat Time Part One

Teat Time Part Two

Teat Time Part Three

Teat Time Part Four

Teat Time Part Five

Continue Reading Teat Time (Part One)


Watching the pair of them making love is most pleasurable.

They are so gentle together and enjoy each other with a delicacy. This is often the case with two beautiful females. More so when it’s mother and daughter.

As they arrange themselves so, simultaneously, they can suckle on one another’s breasts I reflect on how natural it is they should share themselves before me.

Andrea gently opens up her daughter’s vagina so as to insert her tongue. The satisfied moans from Aileen confirms mother knows best in these matters. Reaching orgasm quickly she strokes Andrea’s hair in charming gratitude.

I could sit and watch this wonder all night but my unrestrained impetuousness seizes control and I soon have Aileen fisting her mother and calling her a slut. I then order Andrea to grab, twist and squash her daughter’s udders whilst Aileen pinches & twists Andrea’s nipples so hard she cries out in pain.

Making them insert three fingers in each other’s arse holes and shove their thumbs in their partner’s cunt, I can’t decide whether watching them make love or forcing them to abuse each other is the better.

I tell Andrea to sit on Aileen’s face and order Aileen to lick out her mom. I have to move Andrea so as her twat restricts Aileen’s breathing – this intervention caused by a mother’s protective love preventing a proper pussy smothering.

I get Andrea to finish herself off and squirt over Aileen’s greasy chops and make her swallow the produce of a first-class self-fingering.

I then ask them politely to squat over an antique chamber pot I bought especially for these occasions and piss into it; holding themselves open for a clear view of the proceedings.

Using a very long spoon I stole from a restaurant after eating a ‘knickerbocker glory’, Andrea stirs the concoction before they, in turns, share the brew from two different vintages.

The residue I pour over the pair as they swap slobber in a tight embrace.

By now, obviously, I’m in such a state I can barely contain myself so I command the pair of filthy stinking whores to shower inside of two minutes prior to part two of the evening…

Continue Reading Two

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,295

Be wary of The Coq au vin trick. It is a tricky trick used by tarty tricksters. Tarts

I just cause more confusion and incredulity by providing yet more incoherent drivel purporting to give advice regarding tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

The Coq au vin trick is a torrid trick in the tart’s treasure trove of trickery. Tarts. Tart.

Look how innocent and lovely she appears eating her steak & chips and side salad with a black pepper sauce. This is the first clue of the total trickery afoot by the tricky tart. Tart.

I have been severed Coq au vin. I always thought Coq au vin was a vehicle for transporting penises. This is irrelevant.

The tarty trickster, using her trickery, has told me, in all seriousness, the meal is a traditional French dish. Tricky. Tradition dictates it be eaten whilst naked. I, not wishing to look stupid have thusly removed my clothing in order to eat the dish which I have been served by the fully clothed tart. Tricky. Tart.

Whilst gazing at the beauty before me and watching her divine mouth at work eating her steak & chips and side salad with a black pepper sauce, I can’t help but get an erection. Tricky.

I attempt to conceal the faux pas with a napkin.

However, this merely draws attention to the erection I was trying to conceal by my using a napkin.

She, seeing the erect penis, says to me in all seriousness; “I’ll take care of that” and goes beneath the table and puts my erect penis in her mouth slurping, licking and kissing it until, in remarkably a short period of time, I ejaculate into her gorgeous slobbery mouth. The resulting sperm is then swallowed by the tart of which this entire article is based around.


There is no such naked eating tradition regarding eating Coq au vin. She has engineered a scenario whereby I am naked with easy access to my unconcealed penis.

She has deliberately looked perfect guessing, correctly, I would get an erection which she could then use for her own devices namely the use of my penis in her tarty trap. Tart.

What a trick.

What a Tart.

She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.


Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,295

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #8,215

A Tarty Trickster

I compound my craziness by creating more confused content created with the alleged purpose of delivering advice regarding tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

The Album trick is a tacky trick tart’s try from time to time to trick the unsuspecting trickery target. What a trick. What a tart. Tart.

This tart has told me she can’t find her album on the massive world leading website sywwow.com Tricky.

I happen to be Sywwow so feel somehow responsible for this. Tricky.

When I try to find the tart’s album, I too fail to find the album of which the tart said she couldn’t find.

I reach the conclusion no such album existed so created one and told her she couldn’t find the album because the internet was broken but I fixed it with some superglue and now the internet is fixed she could find the album. I had turned the tricky tart into a tricked tart using my own version of tarty tricking. Tricky. Tart


She knew all along she had no album and tricked me into creating one.

She knew the internet was not broken and I did not fix it with some superglue and having not fixed the internet because it was not broken in the first place she could find the album. My trick had been used against me and exposed as being the type of trick a twat would attempt: a twat’s trick of non-trickery. Twat

What a trick.
What a Tart.

She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #8,215

A Day in the Country

I take a pristine pair, Lady Andrea S. and her daughter Aileen, out for a Day in the Country.

I return with a pair of filthy whores after a disgraceful & sordid Day in the Country.

The filthiest book since the previous one: A Day in the Country


A Day in the Country

A girl and her mom get more than they expected during their Day in the Country

Also available, featuring Lady Andrea S.: Letter from a Lady:

Letter from a Lady

The literary debut of Lady Andrea S.

A Lady, very much a Lady, sends a letter


Continue Reading A Day in the Country

Face Time

I had been tethered to a table to ensure convenient access and prevent my moving about annoyingly or attempting an escape.

A quilt provided a modicum of comfort as I was to be held there for an indeterminate time.

There was a good turn out with only two no-shows meaning seven men were in attendance to use me.

I’d been whored out, or rather my mouth had, via the great and wonderful website sywwow.com

The object of the exercise was to get as much spunk into my stomach as possible in the shortest possible time with, preferably, minimal involvement by either party in the exchange of fluids.

On hand was my darling daughter, Aileen, whose delicate fingers were employed to ensure the gentlemen were fully primed prior to entering my mouth.

Continue Reading Face Time

Site Mechanics

I have had to remove the ‘Latest Video’ Module from the right-hand column due to slow page load issues

I have added new categories, new tags, edited the ‘about’ pages-  all of which are detailed in the right-hand column.

Horde email service is to be discontinued. If you use the web email service, the next time you access it you will be guided through the simple process of using Roundcube instead. Email service is unaffected – this is a web interface issue only.

At midnight June 9 the site is being transferred to new servers this WILL cause complete failure and the site WILL go off-line for technical reasons and DNS migration. No content should be added June 9. Problems connecting to the site should be expected for 24 hours.

Clearing the cache on your pc/device may alleviate this.

I will take the opportunity of this chaos to activate my secret second server plan which is designed to deal with the forthcoming international situation of which I must not tell but was ruminating upon, of late.

Look what’s coming any day now

Continue Reading Site Mechanics

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