SoSA acquired by SAGB

Australia’s SoSA (The Spanking of Sheila’s Association) has been taken over by The Spanking Association of Great Britain (SAGB)

President for LIFE, Lord Sywwow, said: “I should have done it ages ago. Tarts in Australia, as far as I can tell, have not been spanked since 1982. This, thanks to me, is set to change”.

What an astounding and great man he is.

Figures reveal spanking did actually cease in 1982 and government figures reveal naughtiness soared since that date (among Tarts).

Lord Sywwow, who is scared of spiders, especially big ones, was tackled over this issue and asked if he would ever dare go there: “I may or may not go there, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. However, I have someone over there to handle things”. He then added; “She’s a Sheila”.

Continue Reading SoSA acquired by SAGB

SAGB tackles COVID

Continued disruption to travel means some of you tarts are racking up a large number of spanks which I can’t deliver.

When I get to your arse it may not be feasible to deliver, for instance, 10,000 spanks.

Thankfully the geniuses at The Spanking Association of Great Britain have formulated an algorithm which converts spanks into other forms of punishment thus reducing the punishment load.

The table below is so straight forward even a tart could use it.

I have been reliably informed an App will soon be available very similar to my Cum Calculator.

Thank fuck someone’s dealing with the shit we’re all in

Continue Reading SAGB tackles COVID

Penile Reform

I read some stuff I wrote about Prisons and was shocked.

There are all sorts of stuff wrong with women’s prisons.

Here’s a graph:

I’ve decided to step in and have offered Her Majesty’s Government the services of The Spanking Association of Great Britain whereby we would run some prisons and I’d reform the, personally selected by me, tarts using my skills.

I am yet to receive a response


Continue Reading Penile Reform

French Scandal – in France

Since becoming President FOR LIFE of Punition de la société des femmes I have learned stuff about France, some of it quite shocking.

This once great nation engages in the most barbaric thing I’ve ever come across: Whores Racing.

These loons get whores and make them race against each other.

A Whore

If that’s not bad enough the whores have to jump hedges and fences. If the whores don’t run fast enough, they whip them – which is understandable were it not for the fact they’re being forced to Whores Race at the time.

If a whore fall’s and breaks her leg they shoot her. For fuck’s sake this is the 20th Century not 1982.

I love whores. To think of them being forced to run naked through muddy fields covered in shit & dirt, being whipped and made to jump over hedges breaks my heart.

We at the Punition de la société des femmes take a pretty dim view of all this and will raise the matter with the French government at the earliest opportunity.

If you’re French, you can do your bit to end this cruel & unusual barbarity by writing to your President:

Oi, Macron.
Stop all this Whores Racing bollocks right now you French Twat
Your signature

If she was in France (which she clearly isn’t) they would take all her clothes off, make her run through fields and jump over hedges whilst whipping her bare bottom. Unbelievable. End this cruelty right now, you French wankers


Depuis que je suis président à vie de Punition de la société des femmes, j’ai appris des choses sur la France, dont certaines assez choquantes.

Cette grande nation jadis s’engage dans la chose la plus barbare que je connaisse: Whores Racing.

Ces huards obtiennent des Whores et les font courir les uns contre les autres.

Si cela ne suffit pas, les putes doivent sauter des haies et des clôtures. Si les putes ne courent pas assez vite, elles les fouettent – ce qui est compréhensible si ce n’était le fait qu’elles soient forcées à Whores Race à l’époque.

Une Whore

Si une pute tombe et se casse la jambe, elle lui tire dessus. Pour l’amour du ciel, c’est le 20e siècle, pas 1982.

J’adore les Whores. Penser à les forcer à courir nus dans des champs boueux couverts de merde et de saleté, à être fouettés et à sauter par-dessus des haies me brise le cœur.

À la Punition de la société des femmes, nous avons une vision assez sombre de tout cela et nous en informerons le gouvernement français dès que possible.

Si vous êtes français, vous pouvez faire votre part pour mettre fin à cette barbarie cruelle et inhabituelle en écrivant à votre président:

Oi, Macron.
Arrêtez tous ces bollocks Whores Racing en ce moment vous French Twat
Votre signature

Si elle était en France (ce qui n’est clairement pas le cas), ils lui retireraient tous ses vêtements, la feraient courir à travers les champs et sauter par-dessus les haies tout en lui fouettant le bas. Incroyable. Mettez fin à cette cruauté maintenant, vous wankers français
Continue Reading French Scandal – in France

Bad Spanking

Let’s examine the common mistake being undertaken in this caning procedure:

Shambolic & disorganised caning: A travesty


The tart in control has not listened to my advice, instructions or commands and, as you can see, is using the cane at a 48.7-degree angle in parallel to the bottom instead of the, correct, 45-degree angle in parallel to the bottom.

I punished the incompetent tart by caning her arse and ensuring the cane was at the correct 45-degree angle in parallel to the bottom at all times.

Together we can wipe out bad spanking – if we listen to ME

Write to your MEP today and tell them they’re a twat.


Continue Reading Bad Spanking

From the SAGB Archives

Lecturer Ms. Julia, here instructs a class of tarts what to expect when they get the cane.

Using a student whose name is not recorded, she shows the different whacking techniques involved on the arse of a slut.

She had, apparently, chosen this particular Blonde Bombshell on which to demonstrate because she was “A loon”.

Many of the class members said they didn’t understand, weren’t looking or needed further guidance. Several said they couldn’t hear properly and one, a diligent student of merit, named Louise, asked to see it again because she liked it.

Ms. Julia, ever a helpful tutor, did the entire demonstration over again – 16 times.

The unnamed loon missed the following week’s lecture, “How not to be a loon” claiming to have; “a sore bottom, a very sore bottom”. For missing a lecture without good reason, she was given the cane – by Ms. Julia.

SAGB lecturer, Ms. Julia, strikes a loon’s backside to show tarts what caning is all about


The Spanking Association of Great Britain: Caring for the Empire’s bottoms since 1856

Continue Reading From the SAGB Archives

I get up to mischief

As President FOR LIFE of the SAGB it pains me that so many tarts don’t get the punishment they so sorely deserve through loop-holes regarding naughtiness.

In a world first I have summarily introduced the element of mischief.

Aside from frequently spelling it wrongly by putting the ‘i’ in the wrong place it is a fool-proof tool to trap tarts into a trouncing.

Here is an example:

A tart gets a nail in her tyre thus causing aggravation and expense to her owner. The owner can’t really spank her because she’s not technically been naughty. However, she has been up to mischief. Ergo, she must be spanked. Result. Genius.

All tarts are up to mischief all the time (FACT)

Look at this tart deliberately not being naughty to avoid a well-deserved spanking. Her lack of naughtiness meant no spanking. Until now. Now she is clearly guilty of mischief and, as a consequence of this mischief, must be spanked – I’m a fucking genius


Continue Reading I get up to mischief


Never let it be said a naughty tart doesn’t get a fair hearing before being punished (by ME)


Continue Reading Guilty

My Report to the EU

As promised, here is my report to the EU all about health (spanking).

This is a formal public publishing of the report thus satisfying the EU’s requirements and enabling immediate payment in full for the final instalment of the massive grant I got for doing it.

Continue Reading My Report to the EU

I do a report for the EU

The Die Abteilung für demokratische Prügelangelegenheiten of Deutschland came under the control of The Spanking Association of Great Britain whose President FOR LIFE is me.

As Germany is in the EU, I easily secured a huge grant for the Die Abteilung für demokratische Prügelangelegenheiten of Deutschland to produce some report or other regarding health (spanking).

I blew the lot, of course, straight away, on all the usual: tarts, booze, fags, cornettos, private jets, cars etcetera.

Anyway, the EU want the report published ‘publicly’ before they’ll give me the final instalment of 200,000 euros. They’ll regret that.

Ergo, I’m going to throw together some bollocks and put it on here thus meeting the ‘publicly published’ criteria.

The ‘Spanking to Pain Ratio Report’ will be available within 24 hours as I really need that cash.


Continue Reading I do a report for the EU

SAGB Press Release: Women’s role in Society

Since seizing power of the Spanking Association of Great Britain, Lord Sywwow has been making radical changes to the organisation.

Byline: The latest initiative is to give tarts a more prominent role.

Lord Sywwow: “Ever since its formation in 1856, the SAGB has used tarts. We were the first government institution in the Empire to allow females to use the new-fangled ‘pen’ which others said women would only end up poking in their eyes or swallowing. Many did, of course, but we were the first to allow them to do so”.

Lord Sywwow continues: “I have ruled that women, henceforth, will be allowed full spanking privileges within the SAGB and, thusly, be allowed to spank other tarts. On the proviso, I supervise the whole affair”.

Lord Sywwow then made matters worse by stating: “Of course, they can’t spank men. Why would a man need spanking in the first place? It’s bizarre.”

There’s more: “I am fully aware of their lack of ability as I covered in my book: Women are Rubbish at Punishment Because They’re Feeble in Mind & Body – There are NO Exceptions (Dr. S Thorne, Oxford University Press, 2007). Which is why I’m also sanctioning the use of the cane”.

We couldn’t shut the fucker up: “The belt and whip are out of the question. They can’t be trusted. As I made clear in my work: Women are Even More Stupid than Men – Because of Their Tiny Brains (Dr. S Thorne, Virgin Publishing, 2009).

Thankfully he finally concluded with: “The world is made better every day thanks to me and the SAGB

It’s all thanks to me the above happened and I brought the pictures to you thanks to some software I got from an insecure website – a bit like Facebook


Notes to editors:

  • Please don’t run this story
  • Lord Sywwow is President FOR LIFE of The Spanking Association of Great Britain (SAGB)
  • Please don’t use any of his quotes or mention those books
  • Don’t print stuff about the software theft
  • Especially don’t mention those evil twats Facebook
    Pippa G. Press Office – SAGB, London
Continue Reading SAGB Press Release: Women’s role in Society

Ass Spank-ability Measuring Thing

Listen up jerks, everyone asks me; “Lord Sywwow, you great & wonderful man: how do you decide the suitability of an ass for spanking?”.

What I do is use my patented Ass Spank-ability Measuring Thing

You too can use it, because here it is:

Continue Reading Ass Spank-ability Measuring Thing

Spanking Association of Great Britain

After something of a bloodless (almost) coup, I am now President FOR LIFE of the Spanking Association of Great Britain.

This venerable institution, founded during the reign of the Old Queen, shall be transformed by my leadership. The Ruling Council have been dismissed, as have everyone else who opposed me.

Let us look forward to a new golden age.

My first act is to quadruple my pay and, henceforth, I shall be the one to check all my expenses are valid. The first of which is a car befitting a president like what I am.


I thank all involved for coming to realise only someone of my calibre can hold such a position.

I shall be firm but fair (mainly firm)

Continue Reading Spanking Association of Great Britain

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