I am desperate…

Due to the corona measures that are being taken all over the world, I cannot travel to England in the coming period. And that’s where my problem begins.

In the past, I have been honored to receive the cane and whip from our esteemed Lord Sywwow on my craving buttocks several times.
He treated me as he should and kept going until my ass showed red welts. It gave me so much pleasure that I often had squirting orgasms.

Here in the low countries on the North Sea I have tried to find an equivalent for good spanking, but so far I have not yet found a suitable man or woman to enjoy the same pleasure.

This is a cry for help to the well-behaved Lord Sywwow.
Dearest Lord, you may know a solution to this problem.
I also have a lot of horny girlfriends who want to undergo the same.

To illustrate, I hereby send you a picture of my virgin (and divine) buttocks in the hope that a solution to this major problem will be found soon.

Was signed.

Continue Reading I am desperate…


I’m constantly thinking of ways to rule the world. I spend an equal amount of time (but less) pondering how I can help you Tarts with your many many, mostly imaginary, issues.

I have come up with an idea of such greatness there is no other word for it than ‘very good’.

Yes, a business card.

Print it out, preferably on card, cut it out and carry it around with you at all times.

If you find yourself in urgent need of a spanking, remember the card. Genius.

Equally, if you encounter one of your friends in urgent need of a spanking, give her the card. Double genius. Then, on returning home, simply print another one out, preferably on card, cut it out and carry it around with you at all times.

Continue Reading Carded

A Legal Conundrum

Aphrodite attended the Chambers of her learned Barrister, Sir JF Montgomery, OBE, VC, QC.

After due deliberation and consulting with members of his team, he concluded the Voucher she had brought with her was indeed bona-fide. He advised her accordingly.

Happy with this reassurance she judged his fee of £12,570 for the five minutes he had afforded her money well spent.

Several days later she redeemed the voucher and was most satisfied. Additionally, she congratulated herself in her astuteness in getting a most excellent service for FREE

Continue Reading A Legal Conundrum

International Day of Spanking

Yes, at last, a Day devoted to Spanking: March 11, 2021

International Days’, as they are known, are governed by the United Nations. I bow to no-one, least of all the UN. Ergo, the date is set in stone and is irrevocable.

The day is to honour the dedication and self-sacrifice of those who bring discipline to Tart’s throughout the world by spanking their arses. By ‘those’ I chiefly mean: ME.

Continue Reading International Day of Spanking

SoSA acquired by SAGB

Australia’s SoSA (The Spanking of Sheila’s Association) has been taken over by The Spanking Association of Great Britain (SAGB)

President for LIFE, Lord Sywwow, said: “I should have done it ages ago. Tarts in Australia, as far as I can tell, have not been spanked since 1982. This, thanks to me, is set to change”.

What an astounding and great man he is.

Figures reveal spanking did actually cease in 1982 and government figures reveal naughtiness soared since that date (among Tarts).

Lord Sywwow, who is scared of spiders, especially big ones, was tackled over this issue and asked if he would ever dare go there: “I may or may not go there, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. However, I have someone over there to handle things”. He then added; “She’s a Sheila”.

Continue Reading SoSA acquired by SAGB

Here’s something to read

I found the sywwow site on google searching for something nothing to do with spanking.

I looked at the site a few times before realising I was looking at it often. Especially the things about spanking and was fantasising about it. One night I contacted Sywwow and we started emailing each other a lot.

After a while I wanted him to spank me but I’d use dating Apps and this was different but he made me feel okay about it and told me the safety precautions which he had some of them I’d used with Tinder like telling someone where you are and times.

Eventually I decided to do it and he picked me up from Birmingham Station. It was a long drive to his place but that gave us chance to talk. He’s very funny so I felt less worried about it all.

At his house it was normal not whips and chains and things like that like I expected there to be. He wasn’t rushing me or anything and it was like a game. I had to tell him all about me being naughty and we filled a form in!

I wanted him to do me without clothes so he undressed me which was good, erotic. He then put me over his knees and I had to count the spanks. I didn’t think this was very original but I had to use his counting ways and didn’t understand it and lost count again and again. In the end I used the safe word otherwise I think he’d still be spanking me now.

It didn’t hurt that much but he showed me how red my bum was. I had a sudden thought and I changed what I’d put on his form. He discussed it with me and then I’m tied to his bed with him caning me and using the belt. I used the safe word again and again because that did hurt. He was patient and only started again when I said I was okay. That was great fun which I never expected and I’ve still got marks now over a week later!

I liked it a lot and it was different than I thought it would be.

You will probably have three questions. If they are the same as mine would be the answer is yes I did, yes I will and yes you should.


Continue Reading Here’s something to read

A note in a diary

A sad tale now from remnants of a diary found in the SAGB archives concerning a lady of Bristol:

I’ve finished crying now and am composed enough to stick my nose into this business: what a lazy twat the Victorian Lord Sywwow was. He should have made the time. And, 17 petticoats is the equivalent to a stubborn pair of jeans in my expert opinion so should have proved little in the way of a challenge.

Ladies, fret ye not: I shall overcome all obstacles and petticoats, innumerable though they may well be, and shall spank your bare bottoms. This is my promise and my oath. God save the Queen.

Continue Reading A note in a diary

First Time?

Being spanked for the first time can be a daunting experience. “It was very daunting” – as a Tart told me once.

I specialise in difficult cases and the tender Tarts wishing to find out what it’s like to be spanked.

My world-famous guide gives a flavour of what to expect and I guarantee you will not regret contacting the gentleman spanker which I am.

It seems to me; many disciplinarians are just too ‘aggressive’ for want of a better term. This, I can assure you, is not a requirement and a gentler approach to your treasured bum can be adopted by the expert which is I.

Continue Reading First Time?

Disciplining an Undisciplined World

Once in every thousand years or so comes a man who sorts everything out in the world – usually through spanking Tarts or such-like

This man thinks not of himself but the good he can do by thrashing Tarts arses and granting them their bizarre sexual requests

Such a hero is content to do his necessary work sans reward or adulation though a bit of adulation wouldn’t go amiss. In fact, some adulation and worship would be looked upon favourably

You too can help him in his quest to bring discipline to an undisciplined world. All you have to do, providing you’re a Tart, is use the Contact Form, blab about your naughtiness and expect a reply detailing how he can whack your arse with a dizzying array of options regarding the delivery of this deserved bum soreness.

He’ll do other thing to you too but I’ll leave that for you and him to discuss when you Contact Him (providing you’re a Tart).

Not all heroes wear capes. I have got a cape though. It’s black with red lining and a neck chain. Its got a secret pocket for a dagger or small sword. I’m like a great guy in a Victorian Melodrama


To find out more about being spanked: go here

Continue Reading Disciplining an Undisciplined World

Curiouser and curiouser

Whether you be a Parlour Maid, a Princess or a famous Hollywood actress– I will gladly spank your arse.

Age, looks and all other superficialities are immaterial to me – I will attend to your bottom.

There are 50 or so static pages on this site the most popular being my Spanking Services Page. As it says on there, I am happy to answer questions or enter into correspondence

It has been reported to me, Tarts experience itching on their buttocks when reading my Spanking Services Page – I am in command of a number of forces you may have heard of but dismissed as fanciful

I do a number of other things than just spanking. You can discover all about these when you:

Continue Reading Curiouser and curiouser

“I pissed myself laughing”

As some of you tarts may know, I go the extra mile or kilometre to give you what you want, wish for or desire – providing you ask nicely and profusely use the word ‘please’.

I delight in delivering torment & torture to your delightful bodies regardless of any superficiality such as the size you may think you are – which is usually wrong.

I have at my disposal a vast range of accoutrements to aid me in this pursuit.

I am not averse to the web but most of what I use is adapted from existing items which illustrates my genius. I despise the lack of originality, thought and flair prevalent in all things today as the world, not me, drifts into obscurity.

For some time, I have underestimated a particular area: Tickling.

The torment of Tickling is sublime. Requiring restraint using my unique & secret Tart Ties I find excessive, incessant tickling results in mild exhaustion and involuntary peeing.

The humiliation of pissing yourself is quite exhilarating (for ME). Coupled with the fatigue you feel from being tickled until you reach the climax I require, render you far more pliable as regards the next stage: spanking.

I have always been an innovator leading the way whilst the mundane follow. For this reason, much of my adaptations remain a secret. With tickling, I basically use off the shelf dusters, and of course, my fingers.

A selection of tickling implements: I love the telescopic ones


“I pissed myself laughing”

If you would like to be tickled so much you piss yourself: sywwow.com/spank

Continue Reading “I pissed myself laughing”

Offer extended

For no apparent reason I have revised my offer of free cookies.

The offer, at one time restricted to tart’s receiving the whip, has been extended to cover the much less extreme, spanking.

This means, if you’re so desperate to get some of my free cookies, you don’t have to subject yourself to the whip or make any sort of fuss about it.

And, thusly, with a single stroke, I have ended the cookies / whipping issue (I am a fucking genius with no equal)

Continue Reading Offer extended

Tart Ties

On the presumption I get clearance from a certain delightful dame I shall soon relate a story of romance, love, passion and tit torture. (You tarts love tit torture. Every single one of you – I know you do)

Integral to this story is my use of something I shall call ‘Tart Ties’. These Tart Ties are used by me ONLY. No-one else in the world has the intellectual ability or lateral thought capabilities to employ these items as I do.

They are capable of tying a tart to a bed or her hands behind her back with no possibility of escape yet are releasable by me in less than a second. Their ability to tie tits together or to purple them individually is unapparelled.

I won’t show you them or go into unnecessary detail as to how they work or describe then unduly so as to keep them a secret – my secret.

The purpose of this article is to let you know what they are to avoid interrupting the flow of my epic narration of what I did to xxx.

Tarts who know precisely what Tart Ties are – because I tell them, directly – are sworn to secrecy and, thus far, they have abided by this requirement.

If your curiosity is such, you can find out yourself by availing yourself of my most excellent services, an advert for which shall now be shown:


In truth, I am hardly inundated with clients but do engage in answering many questions – which I am happy to do.

There is a dichotomy here. If I was to tell stories of slapping a bottom several times, having a chat, then repeating the process it’s hardly riveting stuff. Equally, what verges on the extreme provides entertainment at the risk of alienating some (whom still enjoy the varied content).

I must reiterate how mild I am more than pleased to be. It would appear, for whatever reason, some ladies have never been spanked yet yearn for that and that alone. Uniquely, I will service this requirement and simply give you a spanking – nothing more or less.

I only ever do what is asked of me

Your fantasy starts here: sywwow.com/spank

Go on – do it


Continue Reading Tart Ties

A Helping Hand

You tarts could go a long way in making it easier for me to spank you.

There’s a lot on my mind during the process: your bottom, my hand. That’s it come to think of it.

Anyway, sort yourselves out and present yourself ready for my attention.

To make life easier for ME I have put together an instructional video for you to watch.

However, the video was rubbish and I came across sounding like a lunatic barking orders and the bit where I fell over just made me look stupid. Also, where did that cat come from?

Ergo, here’s some stills which I have annotated detailing the salient points.

Print it out and put it in your handbag together with the 3.5 tonnes of other crap you’ve got in there and, when you meet me (which you will), refer to the printout and get your arse ready to be spanked.

Thank you

Even YOU can follow these instructions. I’m here to help: That’s how nice I am


Continue Reading A Helping Hand

Spanking for Beginners

I understand Spanking is a difficult subject and it’s beyond most people’s comprehension.

Ergo, I have produced a guide so you can grasp the basics and punish wayward tarts or tarts who are completely innocent.

Ladies may also use the guide to appraise themselves of the technicalities but, remember, ladies can only spank other ladies and only under strict supervision by an expert such as ME.

If you fail in the task, despite my detailed instructions, then perhaps spanking is not for you. If you’re a tart: I run a special one-day course where you can learn, first hand, the essentials. You even get a certificate: providing you pass the examination


Continue Reading Spanking for Beginners

The Cane

I show you now everything you need to know about caning.

There’s nothing more to know. If there was, I’d tell you. Insertion is another matter entirely and is dealt with in my forthcoming work: “1001 things to put in a twat (and bottom)” – coming soon


Continue Reading The Cane

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