Vanilla Spanking

Vanilla Spanking”, now, there’s a term you don’t hear every day.

Vanilla Spanking is best described as normal straightforward spanking, probably over-the-knee. Nothing more and certainly not using elaborate procedures such as being tied.

Many women fantasise about simply being put over the knee and given a spanking: Vanilla Spanking.

This, I am only too pleased to provide and is what I get asked about the most.

I am constantly tinkering with my Spanking Services Page to reflect this availability. However, the page encompasses a wide range of activities. My advice is to read the page and my spanking guide and, of course, simply ask me: contact me

I, uniquely, will provide you with the simple spanking you seek – nothing more being expected nor sought. This is why I provide home visits – you’d be surprised how far is my reach.

Even if you have no intention, despite my reassurances, of ever meeting me; isn’t it a bit of a thrill that you could be only several emails away from a Vanilla Spanking?

As always: It’s up to you


Continue Reading Vanilla Spanking

Unspanked? Leave it to me

Ladies say to me; “Sywwow, you’re fucking great, but I expect you know that because everyone else seems to be well aware of it”. They then go on to whinge; “He or she won’t spank me. The useless twat”.

Well, let me tell you, I’m not willing to put up with this sorry state of affairs you can be reasonably certain on that point.

What I’ve done for you Tarts is produce a fool-proof 4-step guide which will ensure you get the spanking you are in such need of:

Use the Contact Link at the top of every single page


Mark me, this is guaranteed to work every single time without fail

I’m here to make sure your arse gets what it deserves

Continue Reading Unspanked? Leave it to me


Lord Sywwow has introduced a new service to his repertoire of Lady’s Delights: Unique Umbrella Um-bridge.

The ever inventive tormentor of Tarts has added to his array of accoutrements: an umbrella. Not just any umbrella, which would be crass, but a Fox.

The Fox Umbrella Company dates back nearly two centuries. Sywwow’s Umbrella is over 50 years old, the current version retailing at north of £200

Lord Sywwow; “Thanks to the willing assistance from a visitor hailing from far far away I successfully tested the, cane-like, gentleman’s accessory. Whilst lacking in physical force it affords penetrative functionality and style. Style being the very essence of everything I do”.

I’ve made it lovely to have an umbrella inside

You, yes you, can avail yourself of this new treat as from the fifth of November That’s the fifth of November…

Continue Reading U3


I’m constantly thinking of ways to rule the world. I spend an equal amount of time (but less) pondering how I can help you Tarts with your many many, mostly imaginary, issues.

I have come up with an idea of such greatness there is no other word for it than ‘very good’.

Yes, a business card.

Print it out, preferably on card, cut it out and carry it around with you at all times.

If you find yourself in urgent need of a spanking, remember the card. Genius.

Equally, if you encounter one of your friends in urgent need of a spanking, give her the card. Double genius. Then, on returning home, simply print another one out, preferably on card, cut it out and carry it around with you at all times.

Continue Reading Carded

A Legal Conundrum

Ms. Smith attended the Chambers of her learned Barrister, Sir JF Montgomery, OBE, VC, QC.

After due deliberation and consulting with members of his team, he concluded the Voucher she had brought with her was indeed bona-fide. He advised her accordingly.

Happy with this reassurance she judged his fee of £12,570 for the five minutes he had afforded her money well spent.

Several days later she redeemed the voucher and was most satisfied. Additionally, she congratulated herself in her astuteness in getting a most excellent service for FREE

Continue Reading A Legal Conundrum

Here’s something to read

I found the sywwow site on google searching for something nothing to do with spanking.

I looked at the site a few times before realising I was looking at it often. Especially the things about spanking and was fantasising about it. One night I contacted Sywwow and we started emailing each other a lot.

After a while I wanted him to spank me but I’d use dating Apps and this was different but he made me feel okay about it and told me the safety precautions which he had some of them I’d used with Tinder like telling someone where you are and times.

Eventually I decided to do it and he picked me up from Birmingham Station. It was a long drive to his place but that gave us chance to talk. He’s very funny so I felt less worried about it all.

At his house it was normal not whips and chains and things like that like I expected there to be. He wasn’t rushing me or anything and it was like a game. I had to tell him all about me being naughty and we filled a form in!

I wanted him to do me without clothes so he undressed me which was good, erotic. He then put me over his knees and I had to count the spanks. I didn’t think this was very original but I had to use his counting ways and didn’t understand it and lost count again and again. In the end I used the safe word otherwise I think he’d still be spanking me now.

It didn’t hurt that much but he showed me how red my bum was. I had a sudden thought and I changed what I’d put on his form. He discussed it with me and then I’m tied to his bed with him caning me and using the belt. I used the safe word again and again because that did hurt. He was patient and only started again when I said I was okay. That was great fun which I never expected and I’ve still got marks now over a week later!

I liked it a lot and it was different than I thought it would be.

You will probably have three questions. If they are the same as mine would be the answer is yes I did, yes I will and yes you should.


Continue Reading Here’s something to read

A note in a diary

A sad tale now from remnants of a diary found in the SAGB archives concerning a lady of Bristol:

I’ve finished crying now and am composed enough to stick my nose into this business: what a lazy twat the Victorian Lord Sywwow was. He should have made the time. And, 17 petticoats is the equivalent to a stubborn pair of jeans in my expert opinion so should have proved little in the way of a challenge.

Ladies, fret ye not: I shall overcome all obstacles and petticoats, innumerable though they may well be, and shall spank your bare bottoms. This is my promise and my oath. God save the Queen.

Continue Reading A note in a diary

First Time?

Being spanked for the first time can be a daunting experience. “It was very daunting” – as a Tart told me once.

I specialise in difficult cases and the tender Tarts wishing to find out what it’s like to be spanked.

My world-famous guide gives a flavour of what to expect and I guarantee you will not regret contacting the gentleman spanker which I am.

It seems to me; many disciplinarians are just too ‘aggressive’ for want of a better term. This, I can assure you, is not a requirement and a gentler approach to your treasured bum can be adopted by the expert which is I.

Continue Reading First Time?

Disciplining an Undisciplined World

Once in every thousand years or so comes a man who sorts everything out in the world – usually through spanking Tarts or such-like

This man thinks not of himself but the good he can do by thrashing Tarts arses and granting them their bizarre sexual requests

Such a hero is content to do his necessary work sans reward or adulation though a bit of adulation wouldn’t go amiss. In fact, some adulation and worship would be looked upon favourably

You too can help him in his quest to bring discipline to an undisciplined world. All you have to do, providing you’re a Tart, is use the Contact Form, blab about your naughtiness and expect a reply detailing how he can whack your arse with a dizzying array of options regarding the delivery of this deserved bum soreness.

He’ll do other thing to you too but I’ll leave that for you and him to discuss when you Contact Him (providing you’re a Tart).

Not all heroes wear capes. I have got a cape though. It’s black with red lining and a neck chain. Its got a secret pocket for a dagger or small sword. I’m like a great guy in a Victorian Melodrama


To find out more about being spanked: go here

Continue Reading Disciplining an Undisciplined World

Curiouser and curiouser

Whether you be a Parlour Maid, a Princess or a famous Hollywood actress– I will gladly spank your arse.

Age, looks and all other superficialities are immaterial to me – I will attend to your bottom.

There are 50 or so static pages on this site the most popular being my Spanking Services Page. As it says on there, I am happy to answer questions or enter into correspondence

It has been reported to me, Tarts experience itching on their buttocks when reading my Spanking Services Page – I am in command of a number of forces you may have heard of but dismissed as fanciful

I do a number of other things than just spanking. You can discover all about these when you:

Continue Reading Curiouser and curiouser

“I pissed myself laughing”

As some of you tarts may know, I go the extra mile or kilometre to give you what you want, wish for or desire – providing you ask nicely and profusely use the word ‘please’.

I delight in delivering torment & torture to your delightful bodies regardless of any superficiality such as the size you may think you are – which is usually wrong.

I have at my disposal a vast range of accoutrements to aid me in this pursuit.

I am not averse to the web but most of what I use is adapted from existing items which illustrates my genius. I despise the lack of originality, thought and flair prevalent in all things today as the world, not me, drifts into obscurity.

For some time, I have underestimated a particular area: Tickling.

The torment of Tickling is sublime. Requiring restraint using my unique & secret Tart Ties I find excessive, incessant tickling results in mild exhaustion and involuntary peeing.

The humiliation of pissing yourself is quite exhilarating (for ME). Coupled with the fatigue you feel from being tickled until you reach the climax I require, render you far more pliable as regards the next stage: spanking.

I have always been an innovator leading the way whilst the mundane follow. For this reason, much of my adaptations remain a secret. With tickling, I basically use off the shelf dusters, and of course, my fingers.

A selection of tickling implements: I love the telescopic ones


“I pissed myself laughing”

If you would like to be tickled so much you piss yourself:

Continue Reading “I pissed myself laughing”