Topless Sword Fighting for Tarts Update

She can handle a Sword

Regarding my Topless Sword Fighting for Tarts, swords are provided; there is no need to bring your own. If you do bring your ‘favourite sword’ you can’t use it.

Also, its not ‘Topless’ if you’re not topless.

Conversely, you can bring your own chess pieces but not your own Monopoly set. For obvious reasons, you can’t bring your own Scrabble letters – even if they are your ‘lucky letters’. For some reason, there is never a need to remind Tarts the necessity for toplessness whilst playing these games.

Topless Jousting, I’m afraid, is a non-starter and Trivial Pursuit is for wankers even a topless version

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Anal Pawn

My evenings of Topless Sword Fighting and Chess for Tarts has led to an incident of some delicacy.

Firstly, tarts, what part of ‘Topless‘ is it which is unclear to you?

Tart A decided Tart B would benefit from having a Pawn, or rather Pawns, inserted in her rectum. This is not a good idea. Let me repeat that loudly so you tarts can hear: THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Thanks to my medical expertise, specifically gynaecological, some specialist tweezers and a considerable amount of patience, a visit to emergency was avoided. Am I, or am I not, great?

And you tarts wonder why you have to be spanked – regularly.

Would you like to Sword Fight, Play Chess and, recently added, Play Monopoly, in a Topless Fashion in the English Countryside where anything can happen & probably will?:

Let me assure you, you are safe at Sywwow Mansion

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A Piece

Thanks to my satisfying some expected visitors, who were not in fancy dress but look that ridiculous when they’re working, and the co-incidental presence of my associate LG Barrister at Law, QC, Topless Sword Fighting for Tarts is deemed ‘fully lawful’ – subject to certain terms & conditions.

My visitors were surprised to find us playing chess and drinking Robinsons Barley Water. There was talk of a ‘tip-off’ – whatever that is – but I assured them of my sensory powers by predicting the future of one of them in particular.

After they’d gone off taking their helicopter & ARV with them, normal service resumed which is why I’m in this state – in case you wondered.

My Marigold come-downs usually last 18 hours.

Once signed off by LG there shall, on a permanent basis, be sword fighting at the mansion (For Topless Tarts). Chess will also be, permanently, on the itinerary.

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