Tarty Tricksters

Vacuum Cleaner

Increasingly I find myself falling victim to ladies using me for sex.

I know I’m naïve and gullible so I’m easy prey for them as they take advantage of my innocence.

Over the years of being tricked into having sex with gorgeous women I have built up a library of the devious means in which they have trapped me. There’s thousands of them.

Only this week I found out a new one: “The Stamp Collection Trick” (#10,408 on the list of their clever tricks):

Paper Clip

I met a friend of a friend of someone I don’t know and have never even heard of. She was a delightful brunette and seemed very friendly, kissing me and such. I said I was fucking off home and she asked if she could come with me. I agreed thinking she wanted to see my stamp collection which, actually, I though odd at the time because I’d not mentioned my stamp collection.

Anyway, after we got back to my place, I found the stamp collection after searching in the attic for over an hour. I showed her the stamps I collected for some unknown reason when I was at school where I learned fuck all because I knew it all already.

After a couple of minutes looking at stupid stamps, I said I was tired and she asked to come to bed with me. I thought, “Why not”, because I couldn’t be arsed to drive her home.

Torch

Well, you can imagine my surprise when after about half an hour lying in bed she said; “Oh, for fuck’s sake”, got on top of me and had sexual intercourse with my penis.

She did loads of other things and asked me to do things – which I did. I won’t go into all these things because I’m shy.

Torches

TRICKED: What this young lady had done is tricked (duped) me into having sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal & oral) by claiming an interest in my stamp collection whilst all the time seeking only to have sexual intercourse (vaginal, anal & oral) with me.

***

Using my experience, insight and wisdom, I have created a series of articles: “Tricks Tarts do to Trick You” for all the men in the world to read so they are forearmed with the knowledge telling them when a tart is intent on tricking them into having sex.

These articles can be seen by pressing here

Coq au vin

I have to go now because the lady who owns the garden my dog did a shit on has told me, in way of compensation, I have to have a bath with her.

It all seems a bit odd but I’m taking my submarine which blows bubbles and going there now – after all, it was my dog who did a shit on her garden, I think.

Beware:

Tarty Tricksters: They’ll Trick you, Tarts

Continue Reading Tarty Tricksters

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,295

Be wary of The Coq au vin trick. It is a tricky trick used by tarty tricksters. Tarts

I just cause more confusion and incredulity by providing yet more incoherent drivel purporting to give advice regarding tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

The Coq au vin trick is a torrid trick in the tart’s treasure trove of trickery. Tarts. Tart.

Look how innocent and lovely she appears eating her steak & chips and side salad with a black pepper sauce. This is the first clue of the total trickery afoot by the tricky tart. Tart.

I have been severed Coq au vin. I always thought Coq au vin was a vehicle for transporting penises. This is irrelevant.

The tarty trickster, using her trickery, has told me, in all seriousness, the meal is a traditional French dish. Tricky. Tradition dictates it be eaten whilst naked. I, not wishing to look stupid have thusly removed my clothing in order to eat the dish which I have been served by the fully clothed tart. Tricky. Tart.

Whilst gazing at the beauty before me and watching her divine mouth at work eating her steak & chips and side salad with a black pepper sauce, I can’t help but get an erection. Tricky.

I attempt to conceal the faux pas with a napkin.

However, this merely draws attention to the erection I was trying to conceal by my using a napkin.

She, seeing the erect penis, says to me in all seriousness; “I’ll take care of that” and goes beneath the table and puts my erect penis in her mouth slurping, licking and kissing it until, in remarkably a short period of time, I ejaculate into her gorgeous slobbery mouth. The resulting sperm is then swallowed by the tart of which this entire article is based around.

TRICKED

There is no such naked eating tradition regarding eating Coq au vin. She has engineered a scenario whereby I am naked with easy access to my unconcealed penis.

She has deliberately looked perfect guessing, correctly, I would get an erection which she could then use for her own devices namely the use of my penis in her tarty trap. Tart.

What a trick.

What a Tart.

She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

 

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,295

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #8,215

A Tarty Trickster

I compound my craziness by creating more confused content created with the alleged purpose of delivering advice regarding tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

The Album trick is a tacky trick tart’s try from time to time to trick the unsuspecting trickery target. What a trick. What a tart. Tart.

This tart has told me she can’t find her album on the massive world leading website sywwow.com Tricky.

I happen to be Sywwow so feel somehow responsible for this. Tricky.

When I try to find the tart’s album, I too fail to find the album of which the tart said she couldn’t find.

I reach the conclusion no such album existed so created one and told her she couldn’t find the album because the internet was broken but I fixed it with some superglue and now the internet is fixed she could find the album. I had turned the tricky tart into a tricked tart using my own version of tarty tricking. Tricky. Tart

TRICKED

She knew all along she had no album and tricked me into creating one.

She knew the internet was not broken and I did not fix it with some superglue and having not fixed the internet because it was not broken in the first place she could find the album. My trick had been used against me and exposed as being the type of trick a twat would attempt: a twat’s trick of non-trickery. Twat

What a trick.
What a Tart.

She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #8,215

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #1,272a

My nonsensical notes of nonsense is added to now by me adding more rubbish advice which purports to give advice based on tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

This trick any one of us can fall for at any time, especially when used by a trained tricky tart with tricky tendencies. Tart.

Beware the tarty trickster’s trick paperclip trick which is twice as tricky than traditional tricky tricks used by tarty tricksters. Tart

 

I have entered this tart’s ostentatious & bourgeoise office seeking the loan of a paperclip in order to neatly gather together seven pages of A4 paperwork.

I duly say to the tricky tart: “Excuse me, I am seeking the loan of a paperclip in order to neatly gather together seven pages of A4 paperwork”.

Certainly”, says the tart with a smirk on her face (tricky) “I have a paperclip to facilitate you neatly gathering together seven pages of A4 paperwork”.

As stated, this trained tricky tart is twice as tricky than a traditional tricky tart. Troublesome and tricky. The tricky tart. Tart.

She continues thusly: “The trouble is, the paperclip is deep within my vagina and you will have to seek it out and extract it using only your tongue, lips and mouth”. Tricky. Tart.

I duly get on my knees and proceed to extradite the said paperclip. For over an hour I tried to extract the paperclip to no avail (I got no paperclip)

TRICKED

This tarty trickster had no paperclip at all contained within her vagina: it, along with countless others, were in a drawer in her desk.

Whilst attempting to retrieve this non-existent paperclip she ejaculated on a number of occasions causing me to have to consume every drop lest the sheets became soiled. At one point, she did a pee which I also had to swallow.

She had used this paperclip ruse to get me to satisfy her orally and serve as a pseudo- toilet.

What a tart.
She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #1,272a

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #4,729

My misguided messages of nonsense continues with more bollocks claiming to give advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

This ‘Striped Jumper’ trick has been a favourite tart’s trick ever since the invention by an ancestor of mine of the jumper (striped).

Beware of the Jumper (Stripy) trick as deployed by tarty tricksters. Tarts. (They’ll trick you)

This tricky tart, has trapped me having blocked my passage to the ground floor library where I was to collect my signed copy of “A Guide to Spanking” written by me. Stood before me she is wearing a striped jumper. Tricky.

I am wary of being tricked by the tricky tart so look into her lovely dark brown eyes. She, in turn, looks into my lovely eyes of a secret hue. She’s truly a tricky tart, up to tricks, trying to trick me. Tart.

My fixed gaze falters as the stripes draw me in saying stuff like: “Look how stripy I am”.

My eyes, on their own without me doing fuck all, start to lower towards the tantalizing terrific stripes (horizontal).

TRICKED

She has successfully got me to stare at her large, self-supporting, firm tits. This tricky tart had this trick in mind from the outset. By concealing her perfect tits beneath a jumper she had tricked me into looking at them and admiring them saying stuff in my head like; “Nice Tits”.

What a tart.
She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #4,729

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #1

I reproduce here the first in my series of tosh claiming to give advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

This ‘original trick” by tricky tarts is rarely seen these days but remains a trick in the arsenal of trickery turned to by tarts: ‘the tree trick’. Tarts.

Here we see the tart next to a potato tree. We are naked because, only later that day, did I invent ‘clothing

I’m not entirely sure why she brought all the animals with her. One thing I am sure of: it was all part of her tricky trick the tarty trickster. Tart

 

She is telling me to get a potato for her because she can’t be arsed to get it herself plus there’s a dangerous snake in the tree that can kill anyone stupid enough to try and get a potato from the potato tree. If that’s not all, some angry man with a beard has told us not to touch the potatoes on his potato tree.

I, beguiled by her beauty, agree to her request and reach up to get a potato from the potato tree. Whilst doing so, probably something to do with her, I get an erection.

TRICKED

In this somewhat confusing trick, she has got me to get a potato from the potato tree and give it to her (the potato).

She, promptly takes a bite from the potato (from the potato tree) and gives the potato (from the potato tree) to me. I then take a bite. It was shit.

Then the angry man with a beard turned up and she said it was all my idea to get the potato (from the potato tree) and take a bite of the potato (from the potato tree).

He was even more angry than usual and all humanity was expelled from the Garden of Eden, forever.

What a tart.
She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #1

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #3,208

I add to my collection of non-sensical drivel claiming to give advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

Here we see a tart using a variation of “Torch Trickery”.

Tarts have many variations of torch trickery. Tarts.

I have already touched upon the subject with Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #5,274: The triple two torch trickery tit trick.

Here the tart has a torch which she claims is; “Not providing the lumens as prescribed both in the sales literature and the user guide which accompanied the torch on its purchase in November of the year passed”. Tricky.

You will note, the tricky tart has placed the torch upon the floor and, for reasons known only to herself, has chosen to wear clothing of the non-existing type. This is tart trickery. Tart.

This tart is using torch trickery. Tart. Watch out for torch tricking tarts. They’re tricky. Tarts

I, naturally, am keen to discover why the torch is not providing the lumens as prescribed both in the sales literature and the user guide which accompanied the torch on its purchase in November of the year passed.

Ergo, I go to pick up the torch in order to examine it only to find it both sticky and wet causing me to drop the torch. Tricky.

Whilst retrieving the torch I am forced to floor level and, during the torch picking up procedure, I writhe on the carpet in a sexually provocative manner – as I am prone to do.

At this point, the tricky tart makes her move and turns me on my back and sits astride my face forcing me to provide oral servicing to her wet wet wet vagina.

TRICKED

I doubt very much the torch was not providing the lumens as prescribed both in the sales literature and the user guide which accompanied the torch on its purchase in November of the year passed. It was all a trick to get me to swallow her floods of cum and provide enormous amounts of pleasure for her and her wet wet wet vagina.

What a tart.
She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #3,208

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,408

I continue with my series of incomprehensible babble purporting to give advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

Here we see a tart using the little-known “Let’s blow some bubbles” trick. Tart.

The tricky tart has piqued my interest by saying she has a sophisticated bubble making device which produces large bubbles in great quantity.

I love blowing bubbles. Here’s a song I sing, all the time, when blowing bubbles

I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high, nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams they fade and die.
Fortune’s always hiding,
I’ve looked everywhere,
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.

Ergo, I’m well up for the blowing of some bubbles using her sophisticated bubble making device which produces large bubbles in great quantity.

Beware of this sophisticated bubble making device trick from tarts. It’s a trick. A tart’s tricky trick

 

When I go over to her she informs me I have to assist in providing ‘liquid lubricant’ in order to make the sophisticated bubble making device produce large bubbles in great quantity. This ‘liquid lubricant’ has to be provided by the placing of my erect penis in her mouth.

TRICKED

She had tricked me into providing my penis for the purposes of oral sex. What a trick. What a tart. What a trickster Tart.

It was not a sophisticated bubble making device which produces large bubbles in great quantity at all. It was a portable vacuum cleaner powered by a 12-volt lithium power cell. The whole ‘liquid lubricant’ element was deceit. What a trick from a trickster.

What a tart.

She’s a tricky tart
What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #7,408

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,271

I continue with my series of bollocks advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

Here we see a tart using the well-known “help me move this chair” trick. Tart.

Beware of the well-known “help me move this chair” trick. This tricky trick involves a chair which needs moving: the chair doesn’t need moving at all – it’s a trick by a tricky tart. Tart

 

The tricky tart claims a heavy chair needs moving requiring my help. It doesn’t need moving at all, it is perfectly well sited where it is and has been for some time. It’s a trick by the tart.

She has positioned herself so, when I go to her aid in order to move the chair, my crotch comes into contact with her barely concealed nether regions. Due to the effort of attempting to move the chair and her unnecessary gyrations I accidently get an erection which is then inserted into the very tart I’m trying to help.

TRICKED

She had tricked me into vaginal penetration (and subsequent anal penetration) with a tricky trick. What a tart.
She’s a tricky tart

What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,271

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #5,274

I continue with my series of bollocks advice about tarts tricking me into doing things using their trickery. Tarts.

Here we see a tart using the well-known triple two torch trickery tit trick. Tart.

Beware of the triple two torch tit trickery trick: it’s a torch tit tricky trick times three and two. Tricky. Tart

The tricky tart has placed two torches on a wardrobe and is gazing at them in an intriguing and mystical way.

This trick is triple tit trickery (with two torches) by the tricky tart. She wants me to look at her two terrific tits by making me think I should be looking into the light from the two torches in an intriguing and mystical way and not at her two tremendous tits. This triple tit trickery by the tart is a tarty trickster’s trick. Tart.

TRICKED

She had tricked me into looking at her two tremendous tits – not at the two torches

What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #5,274

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,769

I give you another piece of advice in another of my advice pieces pertaining to tricks tarts do to trick you. Tricky Tarts.

I was minding my own business in a library staff kitchen when I was approached by a lady eager to show me a baguette.

I, being soft-as-dough in the head, was interested in the bakery product and was thinking there may be a ham sandwich in the offing.

With this reasoning, I engaged with said lady (I normally run and hide in a bin or a filing cabinet when I encounter a female because they’re only usually after one thing from me).

TRICKED

It turned out to be no baguette at all. And she, no lady but, nay, a tart.


What a tarty trickster.

Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,769

Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,761

My continuing series of advice things continues with this advice thing about tarts tricking me into doing things by trickery. Tarts.

Here we see a tart rummaging through a drawer pretending to look for ‘a gallery’. I ask you, what tosh. Why would there be a gallery in a drawer?

The tart is ‘looking for a gallery in a drawer’ or is she? Could it all be an elaborate trick?

 

Furthermore, she’s dressed completely without any clothing,

And, what’s more, she’s bending over in a highly provocative and inviting manner.

After a good hour watching this I, obviously, spanked the bare bottom laid out in front of me in an inviting and highly provocative manner.

TRICKED

She had tricked me into spanking her.

What a tarty trickster.
Beware of tarty tricksters – they’ll trick you: tarts.

Continue Reading Tricks Tarts do to Trick You #2,761

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